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Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children

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Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children

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By: Ruth Nemzoff

(13 customer reviews)

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EDITORIAL REVIEW

Parents make enormous sacrifices helping children become healthy and autonomous adults. And when children are older, popular wisdom advises parents to let go, disconnect, and bite their tongues. But increasing life spans mean that parents and children can spend as many as five or six decades as adults together: actively parenting adult children is a reality for many families.

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff--a leading expert in family dynamics--empowers parents to create close relationships with their adult children, while respecting their independence. Based on personal stories as well as advice that she has accrued from years of coaching, this lively and readable book shows parents how to

-communicate at long distances
-discuss financial issues without using money as a form of control
-speak up when disapproving of an adult child’s partner or childrearing practices
-handle adult children's career choices or other midlife changes
-navigate an adult child’s interreligious, interracial or same sex relationships

No other book treats the challenges of parent and adult offspring relationships as part and parcel of a healthy family dynamic. This practical guide will help parents play a vital and positive role in their children's lives.

10 Tips for Communicating with your Adult Children

Know the environment: Things ain’t what they used to be so make sure you know the realities of life today.

Know yourself: What are your motives? Your child, brilliant psychologist that all children are, will assess your motives so you should, too.

Give up fantasy and deal with reality: You may want life and your children to be perfect, but it isn’t and they aren’t , so enjoy what you have.

Take the long view: Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your children or grandchildren be fully mature in a day or even a year…

Expect the unexpected and be flexible enough to change plans.

Don’t bite your tongue, but don’t blurt out every thought you have. Instead of using energy to squelch yourself, use that energy to figure out how to say what you want to say so it can be heard.

Be forgiving: We all make mistakes, all of us are rude sometimes or unintentionally hurtful. Forget holding a grudge!

Talk to your kids about money, yours and Thiers. So you both know what is available for future crises.

Don’t play “go between” between your kids or your kids and your spouse. Now that you are all adults, kids can and should create their own individual relationships with siblings and each parent.

Get a life! Now that your children are grown, share whatever wisdom or skills you have with someone. Make the world a better place.

PRODUCT DETAILS

Publisher: Palgrave Macmillan
Pub. Date: 5th August 2008
Catalog: Book
Media: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 256
Ean: 9780230605183
Isbn: 0230605184

ABOUT THIS BOOK

USER REVIEWS

Don't bite your tongue, How to foster relationships with your adult children
~ Written on Aug 2, 2009. out of users found this review helpful.

helpful, clear helped us by knowing others have faced this situation
and helped us focus on reconnecting and forgetting the anger and disappointment.
Needed more ideas.

Practical Advice
~ Written on Jun 18, 2009. 1 out of 1 users found this review helpful.

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff's advice - straightforward and insightful - covers the challenging developmental issues we all face in family relationships. Parenting adult children is an ongoing process, and Nemzoff provides a structure by which families can stay connected. There is a universal quality to the stories she tells and questions she asks. And these serve as a guide for readers to explore their own particular circumstances and choices.

Her suggestion to leave room in your mind for the unfamiliar and unexpected is alone worth the cost of the book. When we focus on the details, especially if it's not what we had in mind, we overlook the elusive but real emotions. And, in her personal disclosures, you can tell that she walks the walk with her own family. Nemzoff aptly demonstrates that, by being direct and honest yet sensitive to the other's feelings, we can redefine our relationships with our adult children. And be free to forge different yet enduring bonds. This is practical kitchen table wisdom at its' finest.

Practical and insightful, Don't Bite Your Tongue will help your family dynamics
~ Written on Jun 18, 2009. 1 out of 1 users found this review helpful.

Be brave enough to answer the questions at the end of each chapter...they'll give you great insight into your own life and needs. Then with Dr. Nemzoff's encouragement, you can change old habits and improve your relationships with your adult children.

Don't Bite Your Tongue
~ Written on Mar 2, 2009. 6 out of 6 users found this review helpful.

"Don't Bite Your Tongue" is a wonderful primer for Advanced Motherhood. The "other Dr. Ruth" gently guides us through the intricacies of parenting our adult children. Written with the wisdom of a scholar and the humility that only the mother of four grownups can bring to this subject, she deftly addresses issues of communication, in-laws, stylistic and cultural differences, grandparenting, disappointment, adult sibling relationships, money, and more, while encouraging us to acknowledge and utilize our childrens' expertise. The book is filled with vivid vignettes and sound suggestions to help us create satisfying mutual relationships.

As a family therapist, I recommend "Don't Bite Your Tongue" to all parents of launching children, since it so clearly delineates developmental issues that are bound to arise as the parent-child relationship moves into it's final metamorphosis.

Book clubs, and parent's groups will find rich material for unending discussion in this book.

Just what I needed!
~ Written on Feb 21, 2009. 4 out of 4 users found this review helpful.

What a find! With five adult children, all in different stages of life it's not always easy to know what to say or do. Dr. Nemzoff covers everything from the adult child who moves back home to grandparenting and more. Her very practical advice is presented in a very clear and understandable manner and her questions at the end of each chapter will make you think. She also does this all with wit and humor
I have passed it on to a friend who's 22 year old son has move back home.
Mary Dewar

Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Children

EDITORIAL REVIEW

PRODUCT DETAILS

ABOUT THIS BOOK

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