Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed

This is excellent book on mentoring with fresh ideas as to how mentoring takes place with practical suggestions and an exhaustive recommended reading list.

This classic discussion of mentoring brings the expertise of two important authorities on leadership development to the table. Their discussion tends to widen the field when they consider mentoring to include a variety of different relationships. Essentially, any relationship that involves one person benefiting another could be considered mentoring. They even discuss "occasional mentoring" such as teachers, counselors, and "passive mentoring" such as role models. So mentoring is not exactly a synonym for personal discipleship. In fact, their definitions are so broad they include secular mentors in business or professions.
Their coverage of the discipling role again involves mainly grounding believers in their walk, as opposed to leadership development or multiplication. Practical suggestions for how to make personal disciples are limited to two pages.
One of their most important points is that most Christian leaders name more than one person as having key influence in their lives, often in different roles. The discipler, the coach, and the spiritual guide are the three most intentional types of mentors. Readers will notice we have incorporated all these roles into the single notion of disciple making. But I agree that God will often use others to fill in areas where a given disciple maker may need help. We certainly are familiar with many cases where multiple disciple makers have given input to the lives of the same believers. When making disciples in the context of good community we should frequently see others investing meaningfully into the life of any disciple with whom we work. But we continue to believe that someone should ideally take the lead, or the responsibility to see that any promising and willing young believer received the help he or she needs.
This book ends with a stirring study on finishing well. The authors reveal disturbing findings that most leaders fail to do so.
- Dennis McCallum, author Organic Disciplemaking: How to promote Christian leadership development through personal relationships, biblical discipleship, mentoring, and Christian community

This book is based on a simple finding: "Research on mid-career, contemporary leaders led to [the] conclusion - few leaders finish well". Further, in the case where leaders did finish well, "their relationship to another person significantly enhanced their development". Thus the stage is set for the subject of mentoring, which the authors describe as (the concise definition):

a relational experience
through which one person empowers another
by sharing God-given resources.

Stanley and Clinton are well respected authorities in the field of leadership development, and this book represents a popular and "lightweight" version of far larger tomes, so providing easy access to their ideas. The authors focus mainly on the types of mentor who may enrich our lives, and how. The book explores nine common mentor types, and "ten commandments" required for successful mentoring one-on-one. Two further types of mentoring receive special attention, namely The Constellation Model (a relational network of upward, downward, and lateral mentoring), and Peer Co-Mentoring (mutual mentoring with a close friend).

The emphasis on the "relational experience" of mentoring is arguably both the greatest strength and the greatest weakness of the book. On the one hand, it offers one - in the words of the publishers - "access to the wisdom, experience, vision, and direction of those who have gone before". On the other hand, there is a great deal of emphasis on the values, skills, etc. which are transferred to the one being mentored, yet limited appreciation of how mentoring might point to God. The authors hardly touch on the type of mentoring which focuses on the "encounter with the Holy", and the sovereign grace required for a Christian leader to succeed and survive. In short, it tends towards a "Latin" theology of mentoring.

The book has a strong foundation in research and experience, and for this alone it is well worth a look. It is characterised by simplicity and ease of reading, and makes excellent use of diagrams, tables, and real-life illustrations to present the material in a readable and approachable way. On the whole, it gives one a good grounding in some of the more practical aspects of mentoring and being mentored, and may encourage some readers to advance to the more "serious" works of Stanley and Clinton.

Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed in Life, by Paul D. Stanley and J. Robert Clinton, Colorado Springs, Navpress, 1992, 252 pages. Reviewed by J. L. Lee

Paul Stanley has over twenty years experience in leadership development. He has served as the international vice-president of the Navigators. His ministry has taken him to a variety of international locations where he has done both leadership training and consulting.

Dr. Robert Clinton has served on the faculty of the Fuller Theological Seminary as an associate professor of leadership for the school of world mission. He has completed extensive research in the field of leadership and specializes in leadership training, selection, and emergence patterns.

The thesis of this book is to show leaders a method they may use to "finish well." That method is to use mentoring as a leadership tool. The authors define the tool of mentoring in relationship terms as an experience where one person empowers another using divinely provided resources. The authors also clearly state the four objectives of the book on page 13.

1.) "How to be mentored even though there aren't enough mentors to go around"
2.) "An explanation of what makes mentoring work"
3.) "A balanced model of mentoring relationships"
4.) "Illustrations and ideas on how mentoring can work for you"

They answer the first objective in the first ten chapters of the book. This is accomplished by breaking down the task of mentoring into seven functions, Discipler, Spiritual Guide, Coach, Counselor, Teacher, Sponsor and Model. Model is further sub-divided into Contemporary and Historical Models. The first three mentoring functions are grouped together under the supra heading of Intensive Mentoring. The fourth through sixth functions are likewise grouped under the heading Occasional Mentoring. The two sub-types of models are considered under the heading Passive Mentoring.
The authors also define three essential dynamics of the mentoring process as Attraction, Responsiveness, and Accountability. These three dynamics are of greater importance in the more intensive types of mentoring. The three dynamics also address the second objective of the book, "what makes mentoring work."
The introduction of the seven mentoring functions and the three dynamics begins in chapter two, especially pages 41-45, and form the backbone of this book upon which most of the rest is expansion and elaboration. Chapter 11, especially pages 161-168, describes what the authors term the "Constellation Model" of mentoring. This model attempts to set forward a framework for the seven functions of mentoring detailed in chapters 3-10. This Constellation Model is defined in images of upward mentoring, downward mentoring, and peer co-mentoring. The peer co-mentoring is further described as either external (outside your organization) or internal (inside your organization). Peer co-mentoring is also described in terms of "close buddy", friend and acquaintance.
The fourth objective of the book is met throughout the book in the numerous illustrations and tidbit ideas for practical application of the mentoring concepts presented. This reviewer found chapters 13 and 14 to be especially helpful in meeting this objective. Chapter 13 listed "Ten Commandments of Mentoring" as well as insights from the mistakes, which the authors have made in mentoring. Chapter 14 presented five characteristics of leaders who finish well.
The book closes with an appendix that describes four principles of adult learning. The appendix is followed by a section of notes from the text. This section in turn is followed by a list of references cited in the text and an annotated bibliography.

Chapters three through ten form the core of the book and develop the material about the seven different functions of a mentor. These can also be understood to be seven different types of mentors.
Chapter three begins this section with a discussion of the Discipler Mentor. The chapter is descriptive and presents the basic growth habits of discipleship and a section of "hints for discipleship mentoring" that apply to both the disciple and the discipler. This chapter does not conclude with a chapter summary.
The second type of intensive mentoring, the spiritual guide, is described in chapter four. Again this chapter is descriptive with the major definitions being easily recognizable in boldface type font. This chapter delineates the functions of a spiritual guide and also gives a means of determining the need for a spiritual guide. It also does not conclude with a chapter summary.
Chapter five concludes the intensive mentoring functions with a development of the role of a coach. This chapter offers the mentoring dynamics, functions, and hints for the coach.
The idea of occasional mentoring is introduced in detail in chapter six with a discussion of the counselor mentor. Of special interest are the eight major empowerment functions of the counselor mentor as well as a section on hints for the counselor.
Occasional mentoring continues into chapter seven when the teacher is described as a mentor. Hints for the teacher-mentor and a section of tips to turn your teaching into mentoring are key sections of this chapter.
Occasional mentoring concludes in chapter eight when the sponsor is described. The sponsor functions and empowerment together with the practical hints on sponsor mentoring are useful listings. It's interesting that this chapter together with chapters five and ten are the only chapters dealing with the seven types of mentoring that offer chapter summaries at their conclusion. Several of the chapters do conclude with a section titled for further study. Chapters nine and ten take up the concept of passive mentoring by describing the role of first the contemporary model and then the historical model in the two chapters respectively.
As noted above, the heart of the book is found in chapters three through ten and each of these chapters in turn addresses the stated thesis of the book which is to present a method which leaders may use to finish well. While the concept of finishing well is not specifically addressed in great detail within the core of the book, in fact it is addressed most significantly in the final chapter, the methods presented in the core build up to and support the conclusion of the book with this thesis.
The book is very systematic and analytical in presenting a theory of mentoring. The structure appears easy to discern and the descriptive material tends to hold the reader's interest. It is a relatively easy read that seems to accomplish the purpose well which the authors set forth for it. This reviewer would highly recommend it to anyone interested in the subject of mentoring.

Stanley and Clinton have written a very practical guide to developing mentoring relationships. By addressing several kinds of mentoring (from intentional discipleship to passive mentorship) they have digested sophisticated theory into reasonable methods. Throughout the book they also offer their own personal experiences as examples of the principles they wish to bring out, which adds a very readable flavor. At times the authors seem to treat the topic of relationships with a sterile pragmatism, which is my only complaint about the book. Perhaps Stanley and Clinton would do well to spend time reading Larry Crabb's book by the same name! Overrall, I appreciated this book and I am using some of the principles in my own ministry at Biola University.