Talking Cock

Herring, Richard. "Talking Cock", Decapo Press, 2004.

Here's to the Penis

Amos Lassen

Richard Herring is the self proclaimed expert on the penis. In this book, he defends the penis from the maltreatment is has received in the past and from the jokes about it. He answers all questions about the penis--sexuality, circumcision, and odd behavior and he gives us a detailed history of the male sexual organ.
Herring pays attention to the differences between the sexes and he maintains that all people regardless of gender and sexuality should not care about the size of the penis but should more emphasis on what we all have in common. We should not be separated by the penis but we should revel in one another and thereby make the world better for all people.
The book is both informative and funny. Herring conducted surveys on his website and gives us the answers that were given to him regarding the penis. He also looks at the gay perspective of the penis and shows that gay men do not regard the penis in the same way that straight men do.
Some regard the book as a response to "The Vagina Monologues" and I am not sure that that is fair. Although not thoroughly scientific, there is a great deal in this book. It is only partially serious but it is a fun read.

Overall, I felt the book was informative and funny. It was a fun read for sure. He surveyed folks on his web site to ask them a wide variety of questions regarding the cock. He was able to provide the answers to his readers based on how straight men, gay men and women responded. He also reported on comments people made regarding each question on the survey. Some were priceless.

I was pleased with the way he handled the gay issue, realizing gay men do not "look" at their cocks in the same way heterosexual men do.

He delved into many subjects such as the issue of monogamy, circumcision, the history of the penis and the attitudes of the cock over the ages, masturbation (including the wild items and places guys will do it), impotency, STDs, size, group sex, and the interesting question of what makes a man a man.

One interesting survey result (granted this was unscientific...only people who knew of his web site and voluntarily gave info) indicated just fewer than 70% of men who took the survey were identified as heterosexual. The rest 30% were bi or gay. Much higher percentage that the 10% which is considered by some.

One major flaw however. If you were going to write a book about trees, you would do what he did with cocks. Go to the library and read everything you can about trees. You would do what he did and look at various pictures of trees.

One thing you would do in addition to what he did. You would go outside and look at various trees. See for yourself their size, their texture, their smell, their height, kind of leaves. See for yourself what you had been learning about trees.

There is no indication the author looked at real cocks other than his own. If I were writing this book, I would want to look at cocks. See for myself. Big ones and small ones and cut and uncut. I would want to see how they grow. Does each one grow differently? Some have a bend to them? Do some uncut cocks have enough foreskin to cover the head even when hard or no. The author did none of this. A huge blunder on his part and a disservice to his readers making the book incomplete.

Toward the end of the book, he wants us to glorify the cock, yet does not even provide a picture of his.

I happen to work with a talking cock and all to often have great trouble understanding what the hell Phil is talking about. When I saw this book I thought to myself "great an aide memoir in Philism's and Phil'o'babble" so snapped it up without reading a page first. However buy in haste and repent at leisure I did not. It's actually quite good, a balanced look at the myths, social standings, science and humour surrounding the penis, an honest look at a sensitive subject. Although a book to help understand Phil would be great, I am happy to read this whilst waiting for the nice folks at Linguaphone to publish a set of books and tapes in Philistani.

This is not the first response to the Vagina Monologues that I have heard or read, but it is an obviously appealing counterpoint (note the O in the spelling. The book has more staying power than the stand-up comedy routine, but it takes some hard effort. Still the author is more than game in his enthusiastic thrusts and for the most part hits the mark. He scores with lots of obvious puns and double entendres (usually noted as such) and a mostly amusing selection of responses from his internet call for research. Not so earnest as the VM, Talking Cock still contains a small vein of seriousness throbbing beneath the "lung of desire" (his term). If the medium (as well as the minuscule and the extreme) is the message, Romanovsky and Phillips made it famous in their song, "Don't use your penis (for a brain)" Herring is at pains to assure doubtful women that not all men do.

I suspect that it was mere whim that drew my eye to the spine of this book in a local bookseller's shop, but once I had seen it, I had to buy it. I'm certain I startled more than I few people as I began to read it in the Ikea cafeteria, laughing out loud often and uproariously as I did.
Mr Herring has done the world a great service in this book. As he has noted, it is far too easy for others to merely note the differences between men and women, but Mr Herring not only notes our differences, he goes on to convince the reader that all people, men and women, gay and straight, should start caring less about the size and other particulars of a favorite organ, and more about what we share in common. Men and women need not stand on separate sides of a wall erected by penises. We can exult in one another and in so doing, make the world a better place for us all!