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your KISS rule sounds interesting, where did you get that?
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From a professor, but you can read details here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KISS_Principle It means something like "I decided to"
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in my fist paragraph, "unsatisfactory product" is shorter and simpler, then why you made the modification?
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If you write "complain about the unsatisfactory product of the store", as you originally had, it sounds as if you refer to a product that the person knows already, e.g. if you have already talked to the person about it. On the other hand, if you write "complain about
an unsatisfactory product of the store", that sounds slightly better, but still I would rephrase the sentence.
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in the 2nd one, why you put "suddenly" after "when"?
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Although not necessarily wrong, it sounds much more natural to put it right after "when"
Regarding "I would like you to" or "I hope you could", it's all a matter of cultural background, really. I mean, if you're a customer, the store is kinda obliged to offer you service, so I definately think "I would like you to" is appropriate. "I hope you could" is also correct, of course.
"Here is my request that I hope to be reasonably considered."
I wouldn't include this sentence at all (KISS-it is obvious that the store will--or at least should!--consider your request)
Grammatically, the correct way would be: "Here is my request, which I hope will be carefully considered"