[gekokujyou]

I really do not have any idea on where to start this paper, where it should go, and how it should end. I am having a problem grasping the idea of expository writing. It is like when you were a kid trying to make it all the way across the monkey bars. You want to be able to reach that next rung and you try very hard, but somehow you just can't reach it. Right now, as I write, I am not exactly sure I am reaching the goal of this assignment, but this may be the best that it gets. Please pull all my hair out for me!

The question:
"Pick a piece of writing from your portfolio and revise it into an expository essay of around 700-750 words. Your revised essay must have a clear purpose and contain a variety of sentence patterns. It should be coherent, cohesive and uncluttered. In your revision, work on improving the detailing, organization, and voice of your essay."

My previous piece of story telling essay of 500 words:
The rain stopped. Ah Keong, shivering and wet beneath the Banyan tree , exhaled long and hard. He pulled the vines apart, lowered his head and crawled out on his stomach, pulling himself along by his forearms, spitting out the dirty water that had gathered around his lips. The sky was charcoal gray. Not far away, below a small ridge, were the blackened remains of a village, bombed and burnt into little more than ruins. Ah Keong looked around at the lifeless terrain.


Young men go to war, at least that was how Ah Keong felt they were supposed to. Ah Keong before enlisting, had been working to save money to study engineering. That was his goal. He wanted to build things but war was his call to manhood. Two days after receiving his enlistment notice, Ah Keong packed a duffel bag and left, leaving his aspirations behind. He did not know when he would return, or rather whether he would be back at all.


A hot wind whipped mercilessly across his dirt streaked face, knocking him back to the present. The sky exploded into a flaming yellow. A land mine, like a burping flame from the earth's core, had exploded. It blew his buddy 20 meters into the air, splitting him into pieces: one fiery lump of bone and a hundred chunks of charred flesh. Instinctively, Ah Keong fell to the ground and scrambled backward wildly into a wall of stringy vines that dangled from a massive Banyan tree. Before he could dive into their darkness, he was captured.


Ah Keong was herded at bayonet point down a steep hill, hands on his head. The distant roar of a plane's engine filled Ah Keong with a sudden, sickening wave of despair. It was the inner torture of a captured solider, the short distance between freedom and captivity. If only Ah Keong could jump up and grab the wings of that plane, he could fly away. Instead, he and the others were firmly bound at the wrists and ankles. They were dumped inside a bamboo prison which sat on silts above the muddy ground.


How he had managed to survive captivity and preserve his sanity was a mystery to himself. His food had consisted of miserable pieces of half burnt tapioca sprinkled with salt, and once a week some brownish broth with grass floating in it. He grew thin and weak. His ribs grew visible even though he had been a strapping young man when he enlisted. As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, it was apparent Ah Keong would soon lose what remained of him - his sanity.


Then, just as he thought all hope was gone, something happened; his prayers were answered. The war ended just as abruptly as it started. Ah Keong was freed.


Ah Keong went home a broken man. War had burrowed deep inside of Ah Keong, firmly etching itself in his soul. Ah Keong no longer wanted to build things. Now, all he thought of was repaying the people who had destroyed his life.