Originally Posted by gekokujyou  1) Is it clear that the flashback in the first paragraph must have happened 60 yrs ago and not recently since Ah Keong is 77 now.
It is clear, but this kind of narration doesn't belong to an essay. You have to discard it.
2) By strict instructions, I am supposed to revise my previous assignment but this new piece somehow feels more like a piece written from scratch rather than by revision.
It should be!
Final draft:
The BOOM was so familiar. Instinctively, Ah Keong fell to the ground and scrambled backward wildly, taking cover behind a door. ``BRAVO TEAM,'' he yelled to his ten year old daughter, Michelle, and her perplexed friends. ``6 o'clock, 300 meters, MOVE!'' Michelle? What the hell was his little girl doing in the war? He wondered. Then, he realized: This was not his army unit. This was not a battlefield in the Malayan jungles. This was his daughter's primary school, and the BOOM was only the sound of a book dropping. This was yet another flashback. This was post war trauma. [See my comment above. This whole paragraph has to go.]
Regardless of a former soldier's desire to re-associate himself with reality, the environmental manifestations, such as certain images and everyday sounds, always remind him of the past. Thousands of World War II veterans like Ah Keong struggled with psychological injuries that can surface in a supermarket checkout line or coffee shop. Even though it had been sixty years ago that an armistice was signed at Fort Canning Hill, ending World War II and bringing an uneasy peace to the ravaged peninsula of Singapore, the war still lives on in many war veterans. For Ah Keong and most former war participants, peace is a relative term. A physical peace has for the most part been achieved, but a psychological peace is not yet a part of their existence. Among the symptoms manifested by former soldiers are extreme nightmares, daily regular flashbacks of the traumatic events, uncontrollable aggressiveness, insecurity, difficulty in concentrating, depression and a sense of hopelessness about the future. These symptoms may eventually lead to alcohol or drugs abuse and in a worse case scenario, suicide. [Excellent, but it lacks a thesis statement. I suggest you break this paragrpaph into 2 paragraphs, the second starting from For Ah Keong and most former war participants. And before that, at the end of the first paragraph, (the war still lives on in many war veterans) you can insert your thesis statement.]
For Ah Keong, 77, the acute symptoms began within weeks of him returning home[better: of his return home] in October 1945. He barely slept, suffered excruciating migraines and was jumpy [better: nervous] He was often seen in his old army fatigues, constantly patrolling his neighbourhood, checking and rechecking locked doors and windows, scanning tree tops for camouflaged snipers. Otherwise, he would spend [although not necessarily a mistake, it's better to be consistent with your tense use. Use: he spent]. most of his time at home in a daze. He could not seem [similarly: he didn't seem] to muster interest in anything. He had received one thousand dollars in compensation for his war wounds, which had allowed him to avoid work for nearly a year. It was clear [that] the impact World War II [had] inflicted on him was especially dramatic[.] He could never return to his pre-war civilian life.
Other than everyday sounds, certain images are [for the reasons stated above: prefer were] also scorched deep inside of him: what was the few blackened remains of his dead buddy [compatriot/friend], Ah Jin. January 22, 1945, was the day when Ah Keong had an immediate and powerful initiation into the horrors and traumas [trauma is a consequence, he wasn't initiated into them. Discard it] of war, of which the experience was to burrow deep inside of him, firmly etching itself in his soul [better rephrase the whole sentence as: horrors of war, which caused deep psychological traumas. Lose the rest, they're unnecessary]: Ah Keong and Ah Jin's unit was ambushed by the Japanese soldiers [on] that very day. Ah Keong fortuitously escaped uninjured from an Japanese mortar shell which had landed just a few meters away. The explosion however blew Ah Jin 20 meters into the air, splitting him into pieces: one fiery lump of bone and a hundred chunks of charred flesh [Lose this sentence. It might be graphic, but it's unnecessary].
Ah Keong was subsequently captured. As a prisoner-of-war of the Japanese army, Ah Keong endured eight months of hell. Deprived of the most basic human needs[, namely] food, water, shelter, sanitation, and medical care, [it was a mystery even to himself how he] managed to survive captivity and preserve his sanity. His food consisted of miserable pieces of half burnt tapioca sprinkled with salt, and, once a week, some brownish broth with grass floating in it. He grew thin and weak. His ribs grew visible even though he had been a strapping young man when he enlisted.
This is the tragedy of war. [Not] only the combatants pay with their lives, but [they also] risk suffering from long term post psychological trauma. For the most part, World War II had interrupted Ah Keong's life, crushed his dreams and destroyed his life, and no armistice can remedy those ill[not sure what you mean by "ill" here. if you're using it as a noun, better rephrase it]. [Even] today, Ah Keong still struggles with all the what-ifs and frequently replays that ill-fated day. For Ah Keong and other former World War II participants, the war had exacted a heavy toll and the arduous road to recovery continues.
[Generally speaking, you have done a great job]
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