 Re: Expansion of Ideas
It looks like you have the meat of the idea for sure! Just a suggestion: make a more concise opening paragraph which states your position along with definition (which is not self-explanatory, since you are explaining it) to make it more readable. You can move a lot of what you say in the first paragraph into the middle.
Also you might want to include something like " ..is especially relevant in todays world" in the opening, which gives you a good launching pad for all the points you make.
Great, strident tone to it though. |