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Originally Posted by SunnyLiu Dear Sir,
Can you have an overall revise for me? I have written an article for IELTS test. Can you give me a hand? |
Say:
- Can you do an overall revision for me?
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Originally Posted by SunnyLiu Topic:There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the traditional music that is heard everywhere nowadays? |
I don't quite understand the last sentence there.
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Originally Posted by SunnyLiu As the birth of human, music plays an important role in people’s daily life. In fact, there are various kinds of music in the world today, such as traditional music and international music. Some people maintain that international music is more important than the traditional music. Personally, I don’t think their view makes any sense. |
For the first sentence, try:
- Music is a part of our lives from birth (or even before), and it plays an important role in our daily lives.
For the second sentence, perhaps:
- Of the varieties of music in the world today, the most important are tradtional music and what is called international music.
For the third sentence, say:
- Some people maintain that international music is more important than traditional music.
For the fourth sentence, try:
- However, I hold the opposite view.
What do you think?
:)