Quote:
Originally Posted by luciexoxo  1000 songs in your Pockets-Introducing iPod Question: how to put “1000 songs in your pockets”? The answer is simple - get these ubiquitous iPods because they can store countless songs within a few seconds. Today, they have become our causal portable media players which also featured with many incredulous functions. They are so tiny and light and that have made us feasible to carry them around. |
Better would be to say
get an iPod,
not get these iPods. (One person is likely to buy only one or two and certainly not the whole lot of them.)
Say:
portable media players which feature many amazing functions
(Look up
incredulous.)
Say:
They are tiny and light and easy to carry around.
(Look up
feasible.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by luciexoxo However, iPods did not start out as slim as today’s iPod Nanos. They were thick and did not have the sensitive wheels. The first generation of iPod was primarily introduced on October 23rd, 2001 by Jon Rubinstein (an engineer who works for Steve Jobs). They weren’t popular at all due to the expensive price. |
What do you mean by "sensitive wheels"? (Assume your reader hasn't seen and iPod and that you are introducing it to him.)
Why can't you say
introduced instead of
primarily introduced?
Say:
They weren't popular at all due to the price.
A price can't be expensive, but it can be high or low.
~R