 Re: Correct tenses?
“Then the moment he was waiting for appears or arrives
But to add to the suspense, omit either word:
"Then the moment he was waiting for: she steps forward to feed on a fresh weed.”
By using a colon, you would be adding to the suspense. The reader wants to know, what has happened, what has changed that it is now the right moment. The colon indicates that what immediately follows specifically amplifies the sentence before - all is about to be revealed!
Hidden down within an overgrown thicket, a lone common red fox is standing patiently in the early morning sun as he quietly observes a grazing rabbit. He has been waiting since well before the sun rose (omit the comma) for such an opportunity to present itself; but he would not dare strike until his prey becomes perfectly positioned. For the moment, he is allowing the small creature to go on with her business. He needs her to make another step towards him, so as to be sure his attack will not fall short. He arches his spine and prepares his hind legs ready for his pounce. Then the moment he has been waiting for: she steps forward to feed on a fresh weed. With no hesitation, he launches himself into the air and towards the rabbit. His paws land accurately on the creature and swiftly he sinks his teeth into the creature’s neck to end any remaining life.
Why "remaining" life. Apart from his paws landing on the rabbit, what has already started to kill the rabbit? Until he starts to sink his teeth into the rabbit, he doesn't seem to have done any harm to it . Did the mere weight of the fox landing on the rabbit partly kill it?  |