I am really not good at this and it might not even be called sentence structure. I am in charge of editing my employee's emails to customers. I constantly get a similiar line from all of them and think it's incorrect. Here is an example-
I am writing in regards to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe.

I changed this to-

I am writing to you in reference to your request to have several employees reporting to John Doe.

Please advise. Thank you!