That is a very strange story. :wink:
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by tachi Tempt by his placid eyes which turned a feeling of affection into a need. |
Try:
- I was tempted by his placid eyes which turned a feeling of affection into a need.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by tachi I found myself walking toward the address held in my hand, the one I got from the office last week when I was alone. |
"I found myself walking toward the address" is good. The rest is problematic. If you need to mention that you got the address from the office (What office?) then say
had gotten. For you to say
last week the narrative has to be in the present tense. If the narrative is in the past tense, say
previous week. If you mention that "you" were alone the reader is likely to think that is a remarkable thing. Use words that indicate the state of mind of the protagonist. Perhaps:
- I found myself walking toward the address written on the sweat-drenched piece of paper held tightly in my right hand.
What do you think?
:)