[RonBee]

Originally Posted by ram

My Mom’s Affair with the ATM

Good title!

Originally Posted by ram

My mom met her first ATM when she was still studying to become a doctor.

That is a good beginning sentence. However, you might also explain that it was before your mom married your dad. Otherwise, there is a definite possibility of confusing the reader.

Originally Posted by ram

One day, the hospital authorities gathered the staff to announce that the usual way of getting wages will change.

Change will to would. (In this case, would is the past tense of will.)

Originally Posted by ram

There will be no more checks or cash from the cashier. Everybody will go to the bank and claim their money through a machine called ATM, which was new then.

See above.

Originally Posted by ram

There was a moment of silence followed by a gradually increasing volume of chatter. Questions were thrown from every corner of the room “how can the machine know how much?”, “wont the machine make mistakes?”, “how can we complain if there are problems?, the machine wont talk back!”, and there were simple problems that were not simple to most of them like “how can I talk with the machine, I don’t know computers!” and “what if I punched the wrong keys, will my money disappear?”

That is good, but there are punctuation and capitalization problems there. Also, punch would, I think, be better than punched (last "sentence").

Originally Posted by ram

Patiently, the authorities explained the procedure to the doubtful crowd. Gradually, their fears dissipated but still most went home unconvinced. They, however, cannot complain, they were just government employees and these were government rules. My mom was one of those who went home grumbling. She considered herself conservative and very resistant to change. She consistently wanted to know “more reasons” before she “bowed down” to changes.

Change cannot to could not (third sentence).

Originally Posted by ram

During that time, my father, who was also a doctor in the same hospital, saw my mom grumbling about the changes. This is an opportunity, he told himself, to impress my mom. He knew much about computers because he just came from the States. They were not yet close to each other during that time. My father were still finding ways of impressing and getting close to my mom. He hurriedly went to my mother’s side and asked what was the problem? Like a true blue Batanguena, my mother’s temper burst and she told him that she was inept when it comes to these machines. My Pa told my mom not to worry, that he would accompany her to the bank to teach her.

Using father and mother or mom and dad suggests that they were already married. Find a way to suggest their true relationship at that time.

Word pairs: father and mother; mom and dad; ma and pa.

QUOTE=ram]That was the start of their long trips to the bank. There were problems at first like “forgotten passwords”, “forgotten numbers” and “offline”. But my mom’s ability to tackle the machine improved and their romance improved faster. Their experience was never “forgotten” and their one wish yesterday, which was their 12th wedding anniversary, was that their marriage will be “online” forever.[/quote]
That is good.