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Originally Posted by Babak Hi I would kike to start a master programm in Scotland or Engladn. Therefore I have to meet some Profs. to gest some Informations. Iwrote this eMail to get an appintment.
Could you do me favour and check whether this letter (grammar and content) is okay. If not don`t hesitate to imrpove it. Very Happy
Thanx very much in advance. 
Dear Mrs. xxx and Mr. xxx
my name is Babak xxx and I am a graduated German student of 24 years. I have studied in Berlin at the "Fachhoschschule für Technik und Wirtschaft - University of Appled Sciences".I have my first degree. It is the "Bachelor of Science".
I am quiete interested in the Master Programm (Msc Management) you offer. I will start a trip to Scotland and Egland to meet some Master co-ordinators to get some valuable information. I will stay from 1st February to 14th February in Scotland. I would appreciate a meetng with you during this time.
I suggest an appointment for the 4th February at 13 pm. If this date suits you, I will look forward to see you. Otherwise could you please propose an alternative date.
Thanking you in advance,
yours sincerely, Babak xxx. |
Babak,
I think this letter needs restructuring. I wouldn't start with your name- I can get that from the bottom of the page. Start with the reason for the letter= get straight to the point.
I'd start with expressing an interest in the Master's Programme, and I wouldn't say 'quite'intyerested- this doesn't sound vfery interested. The first paragraph should contain that information, and nothing esles. The second should give more info- that you are a graduate. Then tell them about your availability and ask them if it would be posiible to arrange a meeting, thank them and close.
