[Tdol]

I've got to head for work, so I can only make a few comments. My first would be to remove exclamation marks- I don't think they're appropriate for this kind of writing. It's an admission essay, so should be more formal.

The opening seems to chatty to me- a world without diseases would, indeed, be great, but I'd focus purely on your goal, which is to help with the elimination of one disease. Also, in the first paragraph, do we 'furnish' cures? I'd use something like find/discover.