I don't know what sentences to choose, so I think that I've gotten enough help from you. The most important for me is that there are no serious grammar errors in the text. I think that in order to make your writing look more like that of a native speaker you should work
extremely hard. To my way of thinking, you can only achieve this if you're immersed in English.
I don't have to hand in this essay/translation to any teacher. I did the translation just for myself. Anyway, thanks for the help.
P.S. I'll try to make my future essays look more natural
