l2- led- wouldn't 'have led' be better as they impact on the present?
l4- discuss if- I'd use 'whether'
l5- Therefore- this should have a comma after it- words connecting two sentences should have a comma after them if the first word, and before and after is they occur later in the sentence
- Government is the state of being governed- you should avoid using a word to define itself- one dictionary defined 'poetry' as the 'work of a poet'- does that help? You should try to use an alternative or reword it so that the reader knows. The second defintion does use the term, but amidst a wider explanation.
-Rhodes says: “Governance signifies a change - 'says' is a weak introductory verb in my opinion. I'd also change the punctuation. Why not use 'states that' or something and no colon?
-There are two essential arguments concerning governance. - Hmm- these are opposing arguments, so wouldn't it be better to refer to them as theories/stances/opinions, etc?
- That’s because - I''d say that you should never use contractions in an essay
-And the other argument - No need to start with 'and' here, and in formal writing, we tend not to where possible
-The first argument that governance is helpful analysing government’s roles and tasks rests upon three critical factors.- Do you need to repeat the contents of the srgument? wouldn't 'the first theory/argument' be enough?
-in which the concept embeds governments allows for some important aspects such as governing takes place in much wider interrelations- if you put commas around 'such as governing', it might be easier to read this
- Moreover -comma & Therefore
-For instance, governments are affected by supranational decisions. - are or can be?
- bases upon these three factors- I might be showing my age, but I can't help preferring 'is based'
-Finally - comma
-public/non-public public/private- are you using these synonymously? It's not 100% clear to me whether you are making a distinction or not
-Paragraph four- presenting the arguments together then the anlysis makes it a bit harder to follow than it need be, IMO. You could deal with each point- Finally governance fails to explain certain issues of power (MAYNTZ, 2004:74f/NEWMANN, 2001:20f). The first point makes the concept partly useless to answer clearly the question.- This is sending the reader dashing around the paragraph- finally to first???
- blinds one of the most important aspect - apsects, surely? 'Blinds'??
-Power remains to be - Power remains...
-all actions of governing motivated - are motivated
-But this is a very selective view of political reality- However,...
-But is the concept consequently useless? I think not.- I don't like direct questions- you're the writer- why are you asking me? I prefer it if you tell me what you think, without direct questions
-Previous analysis which are - anaylsis..is or analyses ...are
-That is because - used twice in same paragraph. Also, I'd prefer 'this'
-In fact - comma
-depending on with whom they interact- depending on whom the interact with
-For instance, on an international level governments - comma after 'level'
-governments are members of supranational organisations- all of them???
-Corresponding to different roles the tasks of governments are newly arranged as well.- I'd rework this sentence- it's completely opaque to me
-On a national level comma
-While governments take a major part in the policy-making process comma (you seem to miss this comma quite a bit)
-quasi-governmental agencies- if you mean Quangos, aren't they non-governmental? If not, out of interest, what do you mean?
-explain roles and tasks of governments- the?
- But applying the governance concept one - comma somewhere?
-Governments increasingly act in the roles as facilitators.- how many roles? as or of?
-While governments take a major part in the policy-making process their active role regarding - comma somewhere in this?
-the concept can’t define - cannot
-can’t define all roles and tasks of governments entirely satisfying- satisfactorily??
_ It fails to explain the affects - affect = verb, effect = noun (and occasionally verb, but with different meaning)
-It fails to explain the affects of power and how preservation of power affects the roles and tasks of governments and the concept provides different propositions as to how the roles and tasks of governments have changed under specific developments such as globalisation.- don't you want a spot of punctuation here? And how about getting rid of a few 'ands'
-It is advising - advisable
-other theories and empirical methods - such as?
-in order to receive more precise answers - get/obtain??
