charred door- burned/badly burned door?
flickers of light bulb- flickering light bulbs
I was also mentioned- told that
was stolen also on duty- was stolen while he was on duty
how he can protect me against the evil forces?- how can he protect me? (evil forces seems unnecessary to me)
Yours Faithfully,
Fiery
Also, I'd use Dear Sir or Madam, not To whom it may concern, which is used for references, etc.
