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Old 21-Feb-2006, 07:32
Tdol Tdol is offline
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Default Re: suggestions for improvement short story

the crickets’ humming filled the dull grey summer sky with flocks of sparrows- punctuation? The crickets didn't launch the pigeons.
Something till this day changed me and the way I interpret life and possibly forever- too many time phrases IMO, or in the wrong position
Being lazy as I am, I never- who else could be lazy in this sentence?
But what on Earth can it be- tense
could no more cope with it- word order
impact it must be considering he is ninety- punctuation
I had just arrived to Australia, being six- preposition and punctuation
As the doctor revealed his condition I drowned in- punctuation
with what you got because- word missing
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