Letter to University

Hi I would kike to start a master programm in Scotland or Engladn. Therefore I have to meet some Profs. to gest some Informations. Iwrote this eMail to get an appintment.
Could you do me favour and check whether this letter (grammar and content) is okay. If not don`t hesitate to imrpove it. Very Happy
Thanx very much in advance.

Dear Mrs. xxx and Mr. xxx

my name is Babak xxx and I am a graduated German student of 24 years. I have studied in Berlin at the "Fachhoschschule für Technik und Wirtschaft - University of Appled Sciences".I have my first degree. It is the "Bachelor of Science".

I am quiete interested in the Master Programm (Msc Management) you offer. I will start a trip to Scotland and Egland to meet some Master co-ordinators to get some valuable information. I will stay from 1st February to 14th February in Scotland. I would appreciate a meetng with you during this time.

I suggest an appointment for the 4th February at 13 pm. If this date suits you, I will look forward to see you. Otherwise could you please propose an alternative date.

Thanking you in advance,
yours sincerely, Babak xxx.

Dear Mrs. xxx and Mr. xxx,

my name is Babak xxx and I am a graduated German student of 24 years. I have studied at the "Fachhoschschule für Technik und Wirtschaft - University of Appled Sciences" in Berlin, where I got my first degree: "Bachelor of Science".

I am quite interested in the Master Programm (Msc Management) you offer. I'm going on a trip to Scotland and England to meet some Master co-ordinators to acquire some valuable information. I will stay from 1st February to 14th February in Scotland. I would appreciate it if we could meet, during this time.

I suggest an appointment for the 4th February at 1 pm, otherwise could you please propose an alternative date.

I will look forward to see you. Thanking you in advance.


Your sincerely,


Babak xxx.


(if you use 24 hour system no need to use pm or am, so either say 13 or say 1 pm)

also it's Yours truly or Your sincerely, not yours sincerely

Well, I think this one is a big step in the right direction, let a real teacher correct it for you, I'm still in my first year bachelor :]

[Tdol]

Originally Posted by Babak

Hi I would kike to start a master programm in Scotland or Engladn. Therefore I have to meet some Profs. to gest some Informations. Iwrote this eMail to get an appintment.
Could you do me favour and check whether this letter (grammar and content) is okay. If not don`t hesitate to imrpove it. Very Happy
Thanx very much in advance.

Dear Mrs. xxx and Mr. xxx

my name is Babak xxx and I am a graduated German student of 24 years. I have studied in Berlin at the "Fachhoschschule für Technik und Wirtschaft - University of Appled Sciences".I have my first degree. It is the "Bachelor of Science".

I am quiete interested in the Master Programm (Msc Management) you offer. I will start a trip to Scotland and Egland to meet some Master co-ordinators to get some valuable information. I will stay from 1st February to 14th February in Scotland. I would appreciate a meetng with you during this time.

I suggest an appointment for the 4th February at 13 pm. If this date suits you, I will look forward to see you. Otherwise could you please propose an alternative date.

Thanking you in advance,
yours sincerely, Babak xxx.

Babak,

I think this letter needs restructuring. I wouldn't start with your name- I can get that from the bottom of the page. Start with the reason for the letter= get straight to the point.

I'd start with expressing an interest in the Master's Programme, and I wouldn't say 'quite'intyerested- this doesn't sound vfery interested. The first paragraph should contain that information, and nothing esles. The second should give more info- that you are a graduate. Then tell them about your availability and ask them if it would be posiible to arrange a meeting, thank them and close.