check my paragraph for writing style

[new2grammar]

Excellence is not our business, it’s our tradition
Guest is god, we firmly believe in it, that’s why we treat every guest as if they are divine and ensure our meticulously arranged banquet meets all your requirements – as you step in, you are greeted with a heavenly aroma of pure delight. The whole staff is committed to making your event as perfect as you wish it to be that’s why our team undoubtedly go the extra mile to ensure a successful event for you.

[sarat_106]

Excellence is not our business, it’s our tradition
Guest is god, we firmly believe in it, that’s why we treat every guest as if they are divine and ensure our meticulously arranged banquet meets all your requirements – as you step in, you are greeted with a heavenly aroma of pure delight. The whole staff is committed to making your event as perfect as you wish it to be that’s why our team undoubtedly go the extra mile to ensure a successful event for you.

I rewrite as follows:
For us excellence is not a business strategy, it’s our tradition
We firmly believe that guest is god, that’s the reason why we treat every guest like a divine being and provide him with adequate supply of high quality food, well presented and with good banquet service to make it an unforgettable experience.– as you step in, you are greeted with a heavenly aroma of pure delight. The whole staff is committed to making your event as pleasant as you wish it to be, that’s why our team with natural warmth and friendliness do everything with an extra measure of care and personal attention to ensure a memorable event for you.