REVISION PLEASE ON thesis paragraph

this is my thesis paragraph and my thesis is the first sentence and i need it revised please and this is a persuasive essay also THANKS IN ADVANCE

To become a successful store manager, one must be polite, have patience with customers, and be very detail-oriented. One of the main duties of a store manager is dealing with customers every day. A store manager is, according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a person whose work or profession is management. The store manager should also greet each customer at the door. Greeting each customer at the stores entrance can reduce any possible theft. According to Associated Content, if a customer is greeted at the entrance, theft can be minimized because they have acknowledged the individual in the store. Some retail managers also hire a loss prevention team to eliminate any possible theft in the store. The loss prevention team and the manager need to have excellent communication skills to deal with the customers. Therefore, it is important to bring good communication skills and patience to the job of a store manager.