USC application essay.

[Maddywine]

this is a short one paragraph response to the following prompt:
Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why

Music has and will always remain a deep passion of mine. The ability to express one's self through the language of music; I believe is what makes it truly a universal language. I play the piano, guitar, violin and viola, but I believe my deepest passion for music began when I was introduced into the world of the Celtic fiddle. Breaking through the strict, rigid strictures that are notoriously stereotypical of playing Classical violin, I found my true passion for music lay deep within my Celtic roots. For six years I have attended Valley of the Moon Scottish Fiddling School set in the beautiful Santa Cruz Mountains, it is there that I feel I discovered my real passion for music. I have had the great opportunity to be instructed by and play alongside world-renowned musicians spanning from all over the globe. Their talent and success, has inspired me to continue with my music.

Any feedback would greatly be appreciated! thanks

[bhaisahab]

this is a short one paragraph response to the following prompt:
Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why

Music has and will always remain a deep passion of mine. The ability to express one's self through the language of music, I believe, is what makes it truly a universal language. I play the piano, guitar, violin and viola, but I believe my deepest passion for music began when I was introduced into the world of the Celtic fiddle. Breaking through the strict, rigid strictures that are notoriously stereotypical of playing Classical violin, I found my true passion for music lay deep within my Celtic roots. For six years I have attended Valley of the Moon Scottish Fiddling School set in the beautiful Santa Cruz Mountains, it is there that I feel I have discovered my real passion for music. I have had the great opportunity to be instructed by, and play alongside, world-renowned musicians from all over the globe. Their talent and success, has inspired me to continue with my music.



Any feedback would greatly be appreciated! thanks

I've made a few little changes. I think your writing is good.