revising of two sentences

[vil]

Dear teachers,

Would you be kind enough to share with me your opinion concerning the following sentences?

1. When shot, he was apparently taking a walk.

2. He was shot and killed after he and another man, both of whom were armed with guns, went to a shop in Stony Hill about 10:20 p.m.

Thanks for your efforts.

Regards,

V.

[Rover_KE]

They both look good to me, Vil.

Rover