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Old 11-Jun-2005, 09:16
Bolo
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Default help with tenses needed

Hello,

Could you , please , tell me if the verbs in bold are used in the correct tense and form, if not , please could you correct them.

Angus Pym woke up on the dot of six o'clock, as he always does, no matter where he is or what he did the previous day. His first thought was the realization that he was still wearing shirt and trousers, and when his eyes fell on the reports piled up around him on the bed, the events of the previous evening was coming back to him. He had gone to his club for supper, had just finished his steak tartare and had looked forward to a splendid zabaglione when his meal was interrupted by a call from M, his controller. After an ice-cold shower, Pym was thinking carefully about which suit to put on. He was going to see M at nine o'clock that morning, and he wanted to make a good impression. Glancing at himself in the mirror , he noticed that he had put on weight recently. He would have to pay more attention to his diet in the future. An hour later, as he was driving through the rush-hour traffic on his way to meet M, Pym was carefully considering the contents of the files. So Zircon, the organization which sought to control the free western world, was back in business? Its founder, Leon Biarrowitz, was dead. Pym knew this , because he had personally arranged his death. But who was controlling Zircon now? Doubtless M would tell him.

thanks for help
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Old 11-Jun-2005, 09:29
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Default Re: help with tenses needed

Hello Bolo

Just a couple of small comments:

Angus Pym woke up on the dot of six o'clock] Not a verb; but 'at six o'clock on the dot' would be more usual.

as he always does, no matter where he is or what he did the previous day.] The tenses here aren't incorrect; but they give a very 'vivid' impression. It might be more in keeping with the rest of the text to say 'as he always did, no matter where he had been or what he had done the previous day'.

that he was still wearing shirt and trousers,] 'wearing his shirt' would be more usual.

events of the previous evening was coming back to him.] not quite: you need 'the events of the previous evening came back to him'. (It's also quite common to insert a 'suddenly' in such contexts: 'suddenly came back...')

He had gone to his club for supper, had just finished his steak tartare and had looked forward] 'had been looking forward'

After an ice-cold shower, Pym was thinking carefully about] 'thought carefully about'

An hour later, as he was driving through ] 'was driving' is ok; but 'drove' might be better.

Pym was carefully considering the contents of the files.] again, 'was considering' is ok; but it puts quite a lot of emphasis on the process of considering. So you might want to say 'considered' instead.

All the best
MrP
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Old 11-Jun-2005, 19:35
Bolo
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Default Re: help with tenses needed

Thank you MrP, you helped me a lot.
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