chinese ancient article

[hopbunny]

this is one chinese ancient article,is there any teacher give me some advices?thank you very much.
I am now managing to chanslate some chinese ancient articles into English.:)
1.The preface of the gathering at orchid pavillion

The year 9th of Yonghe(353BC),the last month of the spring,we met together at orchid pavillion on the north side of KuaiJi mountain,praying for heaven's bless.All the celeberities with their brothers----both the elder and the young,are present.Here we got beautiful hills which the surface covered by high density of trees and straight bamboos .There are clear brooks flowing by so we use it to float our wine cups to see who would be the one to drink it.We sit here in order,though got not music for fun,each drink still enough for expressing our feeling from deep inside.

It's a sunny day full of fresh air,with the breeze flowing in the valley.We raise our heads to see the vastitude of the universe,and bend our bodies to study the numerous amount of species, it really fulfill the demands of our ears and eyes and bring us fun.between the raise and bend of our life,some would discover the saying from the study in a room;Some would acquire the baptism of soul from the unrestraint outside.No matter what is their interests,no matter they are quiet or active,when they achive their persue,they all be happy and enjoy the temporary achivements,forgetting about the passing of time and approaching of the old.When things changed,passions lost,remains only sighs. Those what they used to be fond of,between the raise and bend of the life would soon become the past,while it still hurts the feelings,so what about think of that the lifetime is fated?There is ancient people's saying:"Living and death are so unavoidable."Alas.
Everytime I study the past literatures,I found that the ancient people all felt the same, Nobody could stay cool before the works,all of them were sad and couldn't express the feeling by words.So I know the viewpoint of "life and death are the same thing" is a lie,the ancient article "longevity and early death make not diffrence" is fake. How adness,people
in the future must found the same as I found from the past.Now I list all the names of the particepants here and gather their works together.Both me and the ancient people have the same feelings when the occasion changes form time to time,and the one who read this in the future,would must fell the same as we do.

[Ben Shi]

this is one chinese ancient article,is there any teacher give me some advices?thank you very much.
I am now managing to chanslate some chinese ancient articles into English.:)
1.The preface of the gathering at orchid pavillion

The year 9th of Yonghe(353BC),the last month of the spring,we met together at orchid pavillion on the north side of KuaiJi mountain,praying for heaven's bless.All the celeberities with their brothers----both the elder and the young,are present.Here we got beautiful hills which the surface covered by high density of trees and straight bamboos .There are clear brooks flowing by so we use it to float our wine cups to see who would be the one to drink it.We sit here in order,though got not music for fun,each drink still enough for expressing our feeling from deep inside.

It's a sunny day full of fresh air,with the breeze flowing in the valley.We raise our heads to see the vastitude of the universe,and bend our bodies to study the numerous amount of species, it really fulfill the demands of our ears and eyes and bring us fun.between the raise and bend of our life,some would discover the saying from the study in a room;Some would acquire the baptism of soul from the unrestraint outside.No matter what is their interests,no matter they are quiet or active,when they achive their persue,they all be happy and enjoy the temporary achivements,forgetting about the passing of time and approaching of the old.When things changed,passions lost,remains only sighs. Those what they used to be fond of,between the raise and bend of the life would soon become the past,while it still hurts the feelings,so what about think of that the lifetime is fated?There is ancient people's saying:"Living and death are so unavoidable."Alas.
Everytime I study the past literatures,I found that the ancient people all felt the same, Nobody could stay cool before the works,all of them were sad and couldn't express the feeling by words.So I know the viewpoint of "life and death are the same thing" is a lie,the ancient article "longevity and early death make not diffrence" is fake. How adness,people
in the future must found the same as I found from the past.Now I list all the names of the particepants here and gather their works together.Both me and the ancient people have the same feelings when the occasion changes form time to time,and the one who read this in the future,would must fell the same as we do.

good job!

[emsr2d2]

There are several amendments to be made, but before anyone starts on them, I would ask you edit your original post, concentrating on two things:

1) Choose a tense and stick with it. You have a big mix of present and past tenses.

2) Punctuation. Please ensure that you put a single space after every comma and every full stop. At the moment, it is very difficult to read.

Thanks.

[hopbunny]

thank you emsr2d2 for your advice and benshi's encourage.I will correct it a couple of hours later and post it again.