Is this OK?

[boozl]

Please note, however, the wardrobe will probably need to be carried through the building and into the bedroom flat packed – knocked together in situ - and that some of the redundant furniture will need to be cut up into smaller sections to be taken out of the building using the same route.

[billmcd]

Please note, however, the wardrobe will probably need to be carried through the building and into the bedroom flat packed – knocked together in situ - and that some of the redundant furniture will need to be cut up into smaller sections to be taken out of the building using the same route.

I was a little out of breath just reading the sentence let alone thinking about carrying the furniture. Second, I'm not familiar with the term "knocked together in situ", unless "situ" is a typo. So, to reduce my physical/mental exertion, I would place a period after "situ" or whatever it was supposed to be. Then, start a new sentence with "Also, some of the redundant extra/surplus furniture etc."

[boozl]

I was a little out of breath just reading the sentence let alone thinking about carrying the furniture. Second, I'm not familiar with the term "knocked together in situ", unless "situ" is a typo. So, to reduce my physical/mental exertion, I would place a period after "situ" or whatever it was supposed to be. Then, start a new sentence with "Also, some of the redundant extra/surplus furniture etc."

I understand you getting short of breath and agree that it would read better, split in two, using Also to begin the second sentence. Because the new wardrobe is to be assembled in the same location as the old, the term "in situ" explained things perfectly;

http://http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/in+situ

Perhaps i should have used " put together" instead. Anyway, my next challenge is going to be adding extra information whilst trying to keep things concise:

My brothers clothes are littered all over the stairs leading to my bedroom.
My Sister is going to take the old wardrobe to the tip.



Deep breaths. What about this then........


Please note, however, the wardrobe will probably need to be carried through the building and into the bedroom flat packed and assembled in situ. Also some of the redundant furniture will need to be cut up into smaller sections to be taken out of the house using the same route. Before any of this this can happen, Dave, my brother, will need to clear the stairs of his dirty clothes. Likewise, my sister Jane, will have to arrange transportation of all rubbish to the tip.

[billmcd]

I understand you getting short of breath and agree that it would read better, split in two, using Also to begin the second sentence. Because the new wardrobe is to be assembled in the same location as the old, the term "in situ" explained things perfectly;

http://http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/in+situ

Perhaps i should have used " put together" instead. Anyway, my next challenge is going to be adding extra information whilst trying to keep things concise:

My brothers clothes are littered all over the stairs leading to my bedroom.
My Sister is going to take the old wardrobe to the tip.



Deep breaths. What about this then........


Please note, however, the wardrobe will probably need to be carried through the building and into the bedroom flat packed and assembled in situ. Also some of the redundant furniture will need to be cut up into smaller sections to be taken out of the house using the same route. Before any of this this can happen, Dave, my brother, will need to clear the stairs of his dirty clothes. Likewise, my sister Jane, will have to arrange transportation of all rubbish to the tip.

OK, but when I think of/see "redundant", I don't really associate it with a tangible object. Rather, I think of words, data or information.