Simple Present Tense

[Atchan]

I need your help for proofreading.

1) Peter abandons his family whenever he quarrels with his wife.
2) The huge talent in treating with the computers qualifies Tom for getting a respectful job.
3) Jimmy conceals his books whenever his relative children visit him in order not to tear them.
4) The maid shrieks terribly whenever she sees a mouse then some people come to help her.
5) Jerry tempts some of his friends to visit America because it is one of their dreams.
6) Carlos persuades his fellow to eat the essential and nourishing foods instead of trifle foods.

[bhaisahab]

1) Peter abandons his family whenever he quarrels with his wife. This is OK but perhaps "leaves the house" would be better than "abandons his family. "...whenever he quarrels with his wife" suggests that he leaves temporarily, "abandons" suggests something permanent.
2) The huge talent in treating with the computers qualifies Tom for getting a respectful job. Tom's talent with computers qualifies him for a good job.
3) Jimmy conceals his books whenever his relative children visit him in order not to tear them. Jimmy hides his books whenever his relatives' children visit him, in case they should damage them.
4) The maid shrieks terribly whenever she sees a mouse then some people come to help her. "Some" is not necessary.
5) Jerry tempts some of his friends to visit America because it is one of their dreams.
6) Carlos persuades his fellow to eat the essential and nourishing foods instead of trifle foods.

I don't have time for the other two right now, I'll look at them again later.

[bhaisahab]

5) Jerry tempts some of his friends to visit America because it is one of their dreams. I'm not sure what you mean by "tempts".
6) Carlos persuades his fellow to eat the essential and nourishing foods instead of trifle foods. Carlos advises his friend to eat good, nourishing, food instead of junk food.