what do you think of these 2 sentences?

[wang.cupid]

Hi everyone,

The following 2 sentences is part of my essay. What do you think of them? Are there any grammatical or logic errors? If yes, could you please point them out? Thank you very much.

To sum up, the PhD program at the University of D will help me to develop a solid foundation for becoming a successful scientific researcher who can take on top-level research upon completing my program.

If I am granted to study in Canada, I will cherish this valuable opportunity, dedicate all my efforts to PhD study, and then return to my homeland.

[Route21]

Hi wang.cupid

As a NES, but not a teacher:

I have no problem with your first sentence, but I would have re-worded the second sentence as follows:
"If I am granted the ability to study in Canada, I will cherish this valuable opportunity and dedicate all my efforts to my PhD study."

This also sounds more positive than a possible alternate:
"If I were granted the ability to study in Canada, I would cherish this valuable opportunity and dedicate all my efforts to my PhD study."

Don't close any doors by saying that having received all this excellent experience you will definitely not stay on to perform valuable research for them.

Hope this helps
R21