A tribal regime

[motico]

Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks


In these tribal countries, state institutions such as parliament, political parties, government, judiciary, constitution, election etc., serve only as a modern backdrop while, in fact, we are talking about a tribal regime which acts in accordance with the collective desire and the motivation of the leading tribe to be at the helm, thereby its ability to rule appears to be legitimate. However, the people, who know the truth, are taking to the streets in masses to demonstrate, with the ruling tribe firing into the protesters in order to kill, in keeping with a longstanding and notorious tradition in certain countries in the region.

[TheParser]

Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks

In these tribal countries, state institutions such as parliament, political parties, government, judiciary, constitution, election etc., serve only as a modern backdrop while, in fact, we are talking about a tribal regime which acts in accordance with the collective desire and the motivation of the leading tribe to be at the helm, thereby its ability to rule appears to be legitimate. However, the people, who know the truth, are taking to the streets in masses to demonstrate, with the ruling tribe firing into the protesters in order to kill, in keeping with a longstanding and notorious tradition in certain countries in the region.

***** NOT A TEACHER *****


(1) I most respectfully suggest a few minor changes to "tighten up"

your paragraph, which -- as usual -- is excellent.

(a) "leading tribe to be at the helm" seems redundant. "Leading" =

at the helm.

(b) I am not comfortable in including "government" and "political

parties" under the heading of "state institutions." I think that "state"

often means "government." Furthermore, political parties are not

supposed to be part of "state institutions." Supposedly (!!!) political

parties are independent entities in a democracy.

(c) In these tribal countries, the state institutions (such as the

executive, legislative, and judicial branches) serve only as a modern

backdrop while, in fact, a tribal regime follows the collective desires

and motivations of the leading tribe, thus claiming to legitimately

represent the society as a whole. The people, however, know the

truth, and are now taking to the streets in mass demonstrations. In

keeping with a longstanding and notorious tradition in certain countries,

the ruling tribe is countering these protests with deadly force.

[freezeframe]

(b) I am not comfortable in including "government" and "political

parties" under the heading of "state institutions." I think that "state"

often means "government." Furthermore, political parties are not

supposed to be part of "state institutions." Supposedly (!!!) political

parties are independent entities in a democracy.

Government is redundant in a list of "state institutions" but "political parties" is fine.