A sophisticated politician

[motico]

Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks!

Erdogan managed to remove those barriers one by one. He emerged as a sophisticated politician and largely – determined and adamant. He weakened the military to the point of turning it from a scary bulldog into a frightened poodle that did not dare rearing its head in the face of the constant takeover of the governmental systems in the state by him and his men. He appointed many of his loyalists and supporters to key positions in the academic and the judicial systems, thus, shifting gradually the balance of power to his benefit. Finally, Erdogan had no constraints persecuting and intimidating his rivals who became weak as they couldn't resist the Islamic wave which washed Turkey.

[emsr2d2]

Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks!

Erdogan managed to remove those barriers one by one. He emerged as a sophisticated politician, and largely determined and adamant. He weakened the military to the point of turning it from a scary bulldog into a frightened poodle that did not dare rearing its head in the face of the constant takeover of the governmental systems in of the state by him and his men. He appointed many of his loyalists and supporters to key positions in the academic and the judicial systems, thus (no comma) gradually shifting gradually the balance of power to his benefit in his favour. Finally, Erdogan had no constraints did not hold back from persecuting and intimidating his rivals who became weak as they couldn't resist the Islamic wave which washed Turkey.

See above.