Sentence structure for

[Lili86]

I am writing a personal statement for grad school and need help on sentence structure. This is an excerpt from the introduction:

Moreover, my personal experiences growing up in a Russian speaking household and hearing conversations on Russian history and current affairs, connected me to international politics and culture early on. I immigrated in the midst of a colossal transition- the breakup of the Soviet Union and heard family members discuss the impact of Gorbachev’s and Yeltsin’s decisions, which my connection to the events was made far more intimate than if I had simply read about it in a book later on.

I appreciate your help :)

[billmcd]

I am writing a personal statement for grad school and need help on sentence structure. This is an excerpt from the introduction:

Moreover, my personal experiences (is plural necessary?) growing up in a Russian speaking household and hearing conversations on Russian history and current affairs, connected me to international politics and culture early on. I immigrated in the midst of a colossal transition (great expression!)- the breakup of the Soviet Union and (maybe repeat "I" here/a different thought) heard family members discuss the impact of Gorbachev’s and Yeltsin’s decisions, which (maybe "and" would flow a little better) my connection to the events was made far more intimate than if I had simply read about it in a book later on.

I appreciate your help :)

A few suggestions. Nice work!