at what cost, unrestrained urge

[Ju]

Quoted
"After that, I sat with my eyes fixed on my desk for a long time, feeling a wave of remorse come over me. At what point did I lose the ryhthm of the day, I wondered, and at what cost? You hadn't done anything to evoke my mood. You were just being a child, busy about the task of growing and learning. I got lost today, in an adult world of reponsibilities and demands, and had little energy left to unrestrained urge to rush in and kiss me good night, even after an arduous day of tip-toeing around my moods." Unquoted
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What is the meanings of :

1. at what cost
2. unrestrained urge
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Ju

[bhaisahab]

Quoted
"After that, I sat with my eyes fixed on my desk for a long time, feeling a wave of remorse come over me. At what point did I lose the rhythm of the day, I wondered, and at what cost? You hadn't done anything to evoke my mood. You were just being a child, busy about the task of growing and learning. I got lost today, in an adult world of responsibilities and demands, and had little energy left to unrestrained urge to rush in and kiss me good night, even after an arduous day of tip-toeing around my moods." Unquoted
__________________________________________________ __________________

What is the meanings of :

1. at what cost
2. unrestrained urge
__________________________________________________ _______________


Ju

"unrestrained urge" doesn't make any sense in that sentence. "At what point did I lose the rhythm of the day, I wondered, and at what cost?" means "What did losing the rhythm of the day cost me?"