a short messae

[jkl]

Could you proof read the following message for me? Thank you very much

I issued a borrower card for "X". An email had been sent to "X" that her card was ready to pick up at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand in it to her.

[billmcd]

Could you proof read the following message for me? Thank you very much

I issued a borrower card for "X". An email had been sent to "X" that her card was ready to pick up at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand (OR "give") in it to her.

OK, delete "in".

[J&K Tutoring]

Your message needs some more work. The original reads as if the e-mail was sent before the card was issued, which doesn't make sense.

I issued a borrower card for "X". An email has been sent to "X" telling her that her card is ready for pickup at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand in it to her. (she can't very well sign the back of the card before you hand it to her...)

[jkl]

Your message needs some more work. The original reads as if the e-mail was sent before the card was issued, which doesn't make sense.

I issued a borrower card for "X". An email has been sent to "X" telling her that her card is ready for pickup at the information desk. When she comes to pick up the card please ask her to sign on the back of the card before you hand in it to her. (she can't very well sign the back of the card before you hand it to her...)

Thank you very much for the corrections. In the last sentence I said "befor you hand it to her" to make sure that staff remember to ask her to sign the card in front of the staff before she leaves with the card. I did not make it clear enough before. This kind of writing problem I have and don't know how to improve it.

[J&K Tutoring]

jkl-
Not to worry! I knew what you meant and, more importantly, I'm sure the staff member would also have known what you meant. Still, it's worth getting it right- especially on a discussion board like this one where you and other students are trying to learn rules and ways of thinking in English.

"This kind of writing problem I have and don't know how to improve it." Seems you do know how to improve it- by practicing and asking questions!

I always tell my students: The only stupid question is the one we don't ask.