Need a review on essay writing

[garg.ankita]

Hi

I am planning to give IELTS - General test on November and toughest part of it for me is writing. Please review my essay writing below.
Thanks


Topic - Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers.

In this information age, emerging technologies and computers have made possible to work location independently. At one side, it gives a sign of relief to employees who daily struggle to reach to office in a huge traffic jam and then again face the same traffic while returning home. On the other side, it would also control the pollution by reducing traffic of office vehicles and save our green environment.

Although, it could be optional or an added advantage to some employees who find it more convenient working from home than office, however for some employees its a need or requirement to work from home. For example - employees, who have to take care of old parents or who have young kids or for couples who are working at different cities or their office are far from each other or handicapped people, if work from home facility is given, they can contribute more efficiently to office work.

Furthermore, it also has environmental benefits. Nowadys, traffic and pollution is increasing due to increase in office vehicles which is damaging green environment and causing cardiovascular and respiratory deseases. Additionally road accidents rate is high in metropolitan cities as people do rash driving, break traffic rules in frustration of stucking in traffic jam to rush to office. These problems can be dealt to some extent with the provision of working from home.

From an employer perspective, the most important thing is the end result and if tasks are getting done more efficiently and on/before time with working from home then it would be encouraged. The network and infrastructure cost to accomodate employees and to upkeep the office place would be reduced for an organization with the provision of work from home. Employees would be more satisfied and attirition rate will be less which saves the cost and time to give training to new joinees.

Apart from advantages of working from home, there are few things to consider against it. Firstly, some people enjoy working at office with other colleagues, discuss work related problems and learn new things at work. Employees learn and improve their communication and presentation skills while interacting with clients, managers, tech leads and other teammates face impersonally , presenting as a mentor to others which to difficult to learn while working from home. An office gives an environment to grow a person to different roles and teaches its culture to employees which is lacking while working from home. Moreover, it would be difficult to manage a team remotely at diffrent location.

All in all, the facility to work from home should be optional and should depends upon an individual's need and its throughput to an organization. Therefore, if an organization's business demands to have employees working at office location then work from home can not be encouraged. On the other hand, if it doesn't affect the business working from office or home then it should be encouraged as per employee needs wherein an employee could work more efficiently.