Can you please correct this

[francycham]

I want to write a letter to HR to release end service benifit for an employee who was deported by local police- please see below.

Please find enclosed a letter from Mr... who worked with our company as a Service Agent from 2005 until 2001 and deported by local police. Mr... was nabbed by the police from his accommodation and lodged in jail for a few days and subsequently deported to his home country. So far, we have not received any report from the police about him and the reason of his deportation is still unknown.

Mr... has worked with us for almost six years and has proven very good employee. In connection with this, considering his family background, I kindly request you to release his end service benefit that he is entitled to for the years of his excellent service to our company.

[emsr2d2]

I want to write a letter to HR to release end service benifit for an employee who was deported by local police- please see below.

Please find enclosed a letter from Mr... who worked with our company as a Service Agent from 2005 until 2001 and deported by local police. Mr... was nabbed by the police from his accommodation and lodged in jail for a few days and subsequently deported to his home country. So far, we have not received any report from the police about him and the reason of his deportation is still unknown.

Mr... has worked with us for almost six years and has proven very good employee. In connection with this, considering his family background, I kindly request you to release his end service benefit that he is entitled to for the years of his excellent service to our company.

Francycham, this looks very similar to another of your recent posts which another member amended very well. I particularly remember it because the other letter contained the error "worked with our company ... from 2005 until 2001 ..." instead of "until 2010".

Please go back and review the amendments that were made to that letter and incorporate them into this one and try again.

Here is your original post: http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/as...tml#post825283