One can only imagine how much I cried on the days I lost my babies. And then, for some reason, after hearing from relatives that having a baby tends to turn a few flickers on in wayward husbands, I got into thinking that he had been so short with me because I repeatedly failed to have a baby.
Hi,
I would greatly appreciate your take or feedback on these couple of sentences I wrote above.
More specifically, I have questions regarding the underlined phrases.
1. By "One can only imagine", I tried to mean "You don't know". Fair enough?
2. Regarding "I lost my babies", if I previously mentioned she had a few miscarriages, would the reader take "I lost my babies" as "I had miscarriages"? or would it create a confusion?
3. Regarding "having a baby tends to turn a few flickers on in wayward husbands",
I tried to say having babies tend to change wayward husbands in a positive way. The phrase might need some amendments.
Is it "a few light bulbs flicker on"? I don't know.
4. "Got into thinking" sounds alright?
Thanks
Last edited by rainous; 14-Dec-2011 at 04:26.
1. Yes, fair enough.
2. No confusion
3. It's more about the "fires" of romance and how old, slow burning embers might spark back to life given this prompting of having a baby.
4. Yes. "Got to thinking" would be normal to me, but you can also "get into" things, so it's OK.
Thanks for your feedback, SoothingDave. Really appreciate it.
As for the third question, maybe I should clarify what I tried to mean with the original phrase by providing you with some context.
The husband has issues. He makes her work all day while he spends all day trying his luck at a casino, pissing away her hard-earned money. He beats her up when he comes home drunk at night or penniless from the gambling.
In the middle of all this, all she is thinking about is (Who knows why?), if she gave a birth to his baby, he might change into a better person, someone more responsible for his family, someone less violent.
That's what I tried to mean with the original phrase.
How should I fix the phrase so that it accurately conveys the meaning?
Last edited by rainous; 14-Dec-2011 at 14:45.
Maybe you just say that she hoped that having a baby would rekindle her husband's tender feelings for her.