whether I raise a hand against you or not

[suprunp]

You [he] are going to die in agony while some strange thing eats you up whether I [she] raise a hand against you or not.
(H. Murakami; 1Q84)

She was about to kill him in such a way that he would die instantly, but now she is not that sure whether she is going to do this or not.
What could the phrase "whether I raise a hand against you or not" mean then?
If she is referring to her intention to kill him I can't see how it tallies with "die in agony", as he wouldn't feel anything if she 'raised a hand against him'.

Thanks.

[emsr2d2]

"To raise your hand against someone" is one way of saying "to hit someone"..

[suprunp]

Thank you, emsr2d2.

I know this, but I just can't see how it fits the context.

[emsr2d2]

I don't think that "You are going to die in agony..." has anything to do with her intentions to kill him. She seems (to me) to be saying that for some reason he will die in agony anyway, so it makes no difference whether she hits/hurts him or not.

[suprunp]

Thank you, emsr2d2.

I, for some reason, still don't see it this way. If she hit him - he wouldn't die in agony (he would simply die instantly), if she didn't - he probably would (who or what would kill him in this case is unclear, though). There is obviously no 'third alternative' - her choice does make difference...
If what she says has nothing to do with her intentions to kill him then I have no idea what she is talking about.

[emsr2d2]

I have a feeling that without the entire context, I am not going to be able to contribute further. If he's not going to die anyway by some other method, then I don't know what she's on about either!