Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Flubber is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    16

    Post Very short introduction to a story

    Hi everyone :]

    I've written a very short introduction to a story set in medieval times. English is not my native language, that is why I would like you to examine it ;) Here is the text:

    A thirst for taking vengeance upon wrongdoers, felt by aggrieved, is often insurmountable.
    Driven by the negative feeling, people are capable of doing gruesome things.
    A wistfully playing bard is worrying that Lara would not be able to resist the craving either.
    He is afraid of the harrowing aftermath of her deeds.
    A few days ago Brian along with his ring laid in wait in the hamlet for the Lara's band.
    Lots of blood have been shed. Also innocent.
    The locals did not manage to avoid getting drawn in.
    Too many have already perished.
    Finally, after a long and grueling clash, brigands went seperate ways, finding shelter in forests and licking their wounds.
    There's nothing else to do but wait for developments.
    However it would have been...

    Thanks in advice!

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    3,165
    Teacher

    Default Re: Very short introduction to a story

    Quote Originally Posted by Flubber View Post
    Hi everyone :]

    I've written a very short introduction to a story set in medieval times. English is not my native language, that is why I would like you to examine it ;) Here is the text:

    A thirst for taking vengeance upon wrongdoers, felt by the aggrieved, is often insurmountable.
    Driven by the negative feeling, people are capable of doing gruesome things.
    A wistfully playing bard is worrying that Lara would not be able to resist the craving either.(I'm not sure what a "wistfully playing bard" is. It sounds like a singer who may be singing (playing) a sad song. The tense here, "is" indicates that the bard is currently worrying.)
    He is afraid of the harrowing aftermath of her deeds.
    A few days ago Brian, along with his ring, laid in wait in the hamlet for the Lara's band.
    Lots of blood have has been shed. Also innocent.(Not a complete sentence.)
    The locals did not manage to avoid getting drawn in.
    Too many have already perished.
    Finally, after a long and grueling clash, the brigands went seperate their separate ways, finding shelter in forests and licking their wounds.
    There's nothing else to do but wait for developments.
    However it would have been...(Not a complete sentence.)

    Thanks in advice!
    Gil

  3. #3
    Flubber is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    16
    Threadstarter / Original Poster

    Default Re: Very short introduction to a story

    Thank you very much! I do appreciate your help :]

Similar Threads

  1. [Essay] Spooky Halloween Story - short story
    By Arbe in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-Nov-2011, 16:45
  2. [Essay] [Short] 4 sentences of introduction and summary, I need your correction.
    By pcmt in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-Sep-2010, 17:13
  3. wrestler short introduction
    By redgiant in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 19-Dec-2008, 06:05
  4. Short introduction
    By petr in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-Dec-2007, 23:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0