please help me to correct my essay. thanks a million.

yep, sir, i know what you all mean now, indeed "useful" seems not very strict. :( i'm always careless in using right words in essays or make some stupid mistakes in grammar structure or other aspects. 5555
and hope you can pick on my essays, even just roughly. as i've said, it would be so nice and meaningful for me to improve writing skills.
btw, after my exam, hope we can communicate with each other more easily because now, i have to focus my attention on these boring topics of exams.
sigh, i love english, but it's too difficult for me.
and i know the sentence, god bless america, hmm. and the Britain queen.
hmm. all the world, notheless i'm not a christian.
i'm an anarch.
really envy your right of freedom. hope i can pass ielts and then go abroad. i really need all your helps. thanks.
hmm. fashionalbe transmitting method means the invention of the Internet is just a latest issue. anyway. your answers must be far better than mine.

[RonBee]

A couple of comments.

God Bless America is a song. It's the British queen.

It's okay to be an anarchist. We have one or two on this forum. :wink:

You're really not doing all that badly, but do let your Is grow up (capitalization).

:D

[RonBee]

More importantly, as Internet technology develops, computers will become more tightly connected with our social lives than ever before. Sometimes they even tend to be taken as the invasion into human society. Indeed, we may be definitely intoxicated with the world based on telecommunication and information technology socially and psychologically, because like book or TV of the past, we seem to be no choice but accept it.

• More importantly, as Internet technology develops, computers will become more tightly connected to our social lives. Sometimes they even tend to be seen as an invasion into human society. Indeed, we may be definitely intoxicated with the world based on telecommunications and information technology socially and psychologically, because like books or TV of the past, we seem to have no choice but to accept it.

I think you should simplify that last sentence. I am not sure you are saying what you mean to say.

[/quote]Surely it can be argued that the Internet will soon replace print media because of its deficiencies such as inconvenience to read or harm for our health. But once again, it is only the matter of time that we can improve such technological issues with the development of science, especially the technique of AI.[quote]

• Surely it can be argued that the Internet will soon replace print media because of their drawbacks such as inconvenience or harm to our health. But once again, it is only a matter of time that technological improvements will come about, especially with artificial intelligence.

I am not entirely sure what you are saying there except that reading is harmful to health. :wink:

Personally I feel strongly that once such technology bottlenecks are solved, print media would die out in the near future and at last we could communicate with other people anytime, anywhere solely via the Internet.

• I feel strongly that once such technology bottlenecks are solved, print media will die out and we will communicate with other people anytime, anywhere solely via the Internet.

Hm.

I think you should simplify that last sentence. I am not sure you are saying what you mean to say

Sir, do you think it's better " Nevertheless, whatever we regard this world based on telecommunications and information technology, eventually we will, like accepting TV which at one time threatened the status of traditional theatre , accept it. "


And I'm so sorry because of my carelessness and chinglish grammar. That paragraph should have been like that "

Surely it can be argued that the Internet, having many drawbacks such as inconvenience to read and harm to our health at present, is hard to replace the status of print media. But once again, it is only a matter of time, for technological improvements will come about, especially with artificial intelligence.


To sum up, thanks for all your helps correcting my essay.
I'm sorry I have to keep up disturbing you. Hope you won't feel like it :x
I am wishing one day i can give you help in return.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by eric2004

Sir, do you think it's better " Nevertheless, whatever we regard this world based on telecommunications and information technology, eventually we will, like accepting TV which at one time threatened the status of traditional theatre , accept it. "

I am afraid it was better before. :(

I think what you are trying to say is that computers have become a very popular means of communication and to some extent have replaced more traditional media. I think what you are also saying is that computers as a means of communication have rapidly become an important part of people's everyday lives.

How am I doing? :D

Originally Posted by eric2004

And I'm so sorry because of my carelessness and chinglish grammar. That paragraph should have been like that "

I don't think you are careless. I think you are trying haed--perhaps too hard. By that I mean you have a tendency to make your sentences too complex. Try not to use too many $10 words. :wink:

Originally Posted by eric2004

Surely it can be argued that the Internet, having many drawbacks such as inconvenience to read and harm to our health at present, is hard to replace the status of print media. But once again, it is only a matter of time, for technological improvements will come about, especially with artificial intelligence.

There are a lot of problems with that, starting with the first sentence. For one thing, the suggestion is made the the Internet is inconvenient to read, but it is not something you can read. (It can, I suppose, be harmful to your health.) Also, is hard to replace the status of print media doesn't make sense. :(

When you say "it is only a matter of time" you have to follow that up with something. It is only a matter of time before what happens? You need to simplify.

Originally Posted by eric2004

To sum up, thanks for all your helps correcting my essay. I'm sorry I have to keep up disturbing you. Hope you won't feel like it :x I am wishing one day i can give you help in return.

Say:

• To sum up, thanks for all your help correcting my essay. I'm sorry I have to keep disturbing you. I hope that one day I can help you in return.

The word help isn't generally pluralized. You can have more help, but you can't have two or more helps.

It's no bother.

You are already helping me by giving me something to do. :wink:

By that I mean you have a tendency to make your sentences too complex. Try not to use too many $10 words.

Sir, i want to use simple sentence as well, but i fear i can't get an ideal performance in test.
That's a rub for me. I hope you can instruct me how to write such argument essay better with a simple style.
Thanks

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by eric2004

Sir, i want to use simple sentence as well, but i fear i can't get an ideal performance in test.
That's a rub for me. I hope you can instruct me how to write such argument essay better with a simple style.
Thanks

Well, I don't know how they grade the test, but I think the important thing is to write clearly and understandably. Be sure you have a good understanding of the words you use. Be sure a word is compatible with its neighbors. Some words don't get along very well with certain other words. If you use words that are unhappy with each other that will lead to awkward or difficult to understand sentences.

:wink:

[Tdol]

Here's a very good essay on English style by one of the greatest writers of the twentieth century. I think the points he makes are worth reading. He was a fine novelist and one of the greatest essay writers ever:
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm

[Tdol]

Exams may be dull, but they are good training.

Whoa, thanks you all. Sir RonBee, I think fluent way in english writing is hard to understand for non-native writer. There is a different cultural problem.
Sometimes I thought i did a good job, but it is very disturbing when I showed it to native writers. Because not only you, but aslo that Chinese-American gril, you all failed to understand me.
5555. I think i have run into troubles.
Hmm, I need make my essay with more simple sentences? I'm reading the essay Sir tdol mentioned now. Sigh, sometimes many chinese students, including me, can't understand the meaning and writing struture of foreighners.
That's a bid deal.