please help me to correct my essay. thanks a million.

(i'm an english learner, in china now, and ready for the ielts exam on 15th, Nov. i hope every teacher can help me correct my essays in these days. it would be very appreciated. thank you everybody. i'm looking forward to your help.)

Internet will replace books



While the form of written words is still the main method of communication for us at present, I believe there is an inevitably prevailing tendency for human civilization that Internet will eventually take the place of conventional publications such as books, magazines and newspapers.

Internet, in fact, as a production of information revolution happened at the end of last century, has completely changed our lifestyles to varying degrees, especially in the field of information communication. Compared with conventional media, Internet has predominant technical advantages, such as fast speed, instant feedback and useful means of transmitting information. We can now receive updated news taken place in the world from the website of CNN or BBC and also subscribe or purchase books from Amazon online bookshop. Technically the dream of computer replacing the publication of written words would come true very soon.

More importantly, as Internet technology develops, computers will become more tightly connected with our social lives than ever before. Sometimes they even tend to be taken as the invasion into human society. Indeed, we may be definitely intoxicated with the world based on telecommunication and information technology socially and psychologically, because like book or TV of the past, we seem to be no choice but accept it.

Surely it can be argued that the Internet will soon replace print media because of its deficiencies such as inconvenience to read or harm for our health. But once again, it is only the matter of time that we can improve such technological issues with the development of science, especially the technique of AI.

Personally I feel strongly that once such technology bottlenecks are solved, print media would die out in the near future and at last we could communicate with other people anytime, anywhere solely via the Internet.

sigh. no noe wanna help me?
5555

[Tdol]

Sorry- here's a start- I'll come back in a few minutes.

While the written word is still the main method of communication for us at present, I believe it is an inevitable prevailing tendency for human civilization that the Internet will eventually take the place of conventional publications such as books, magazines and newspapers.

[Tdol]

The Internet, in fact, which revolutionised the creation of information at the end of the last century, has (I deleted completely because it clashes logically with the idea of varying degrees) changed our lifestyles to varying degrees, especially in the field of information communication.

[Tdol]

Compared with conventional media, the Internet has clear technical advantages, such as speed, instant feedback and useful means (I'm not happy with this phrase- leters and the phone are also useful- how about a convenient means ...?) of transmitting information.

[RonBee]

Please try to be patient. All of us are volunteers, even me. :wink:

Internet will replace books



While the form of written words is still the main method of communication for us at present, I believe there is an inevitably prevailing tendency for human civilization that Internet will eventually take the place of conventional publications such as books, magazines and newspapers.

• The Internet Will Replace Books
  
  While written language is still the main method of communication for us at present, I believe it is inevitable that the Internet will eventually take the place of conventional publications such as books, magazines and newspapers.

I think you need to change that first clause some. Instead of written words perhaps print media (which excludes television and radio). Instead of communication perhaps mass communication, since you are obviously not talking about communication between individuals.

What do you think?

:)

[RonBee]

Internet, in fact, as a production of information revolution happened at the end of last century, has completely changed our lifestyles to varying degrees, especially in the field of information communication.

• The Internet, as a product of an information revolution that happened at the end of the last century, has greatly changed our lives, especially in the field of information communication.

Compared with conventional media, Internet has predominant technical advantages, such as fast speed, instant feedback and useful means of transmitting information.

If you contrast two things you should use compared to. But you can make that snappier. Perhaps:

• The Internet has a huge technical advantage over other media with its speed in communicating ideas and information.

What do you think? :)

We can now receive updated news taken place in the world from the website of CNN or BBC and also subscribe or purchase books from Amazon online bookshop.

• We can now receive updated news taking place anywhere in the world from the websites of CNN or BBC and we can also subscribe to ? or purchase books from the Amazon online bookshop.

What about the Fox News Channel website? :D
http://www.foxnews.com/

Technically the dream of computer replacing the publication of written words would come true very soon.

• The dream of the computer replacing print media like newspapers and magazines could come true very soon.

It could, but it probably won't. :wink:

:)

thanks a lot for all your helps. you're so nice that i'm really grateful.
:D
sir tdol ((I'm not happy with this phrase- leters and the phone are also useful- how about a convenient means ...?)
i don't know what you meant "phrase-leters" ?. i have to write this essay done in 40 minutes. :( so i can't take it into consideration too much. btw, i'm confused about the difference between some words. hmm. what about "fashionable transmitting method"? and thanks for your help. hope you can continue to correct my essay in the next few days.

sir Ronbee, sorry i can't tell the detailed division among such words. so i have to write down the words immediately what i can remember. :D hope you can help me and instruct me how to improve my writing skills for the purpose of getting good score in Ielts exam.
thanks everybody. and could you pls correct the next paragraphs of my essay? :D i would be very happy to see you pick on me. and hope you all don't mind i will post some other essays.
sorry i don' t know other expressions for my gratitude but thanks and so on.

btw. why somtimes you plus "the" and sometimes eliminate "the"? and when i should use "singular word" to describe something or "plural word"?
hope you tell me.

[RonBee]

Originally Posted by eric2004

thanks a lot for all your helps. you're so nice that i'm really grateful.
:D
sir tdol ((I'm not happy with this phrase- leters and the phone are also useful- how about a convenient means ...?)
i don't know what you meant "phrase-leters" ?. i have to write this essay done in 40 minutes. :( so i can't take it into consideration too much. btw, i'm confused about the difference between some words. hmm. what about "fashionable transmitting method"? and thanks for your help. hope you can continue to correct my essay in the next few days.

sir Ronbee, sorry i can't tell the detailed division among such words. so i have to write down the words immediately what i can remember. :D hope you can help me and instruct me how to improve my writing skills for the purpose of getting good score in Ielts exam.
thanks everybody. and could you pls correct the next paragraphs of my essay? :D i would be very happy to see you pick on me. and hope you all don't mind i will post some other essays.
sorry i don' t know other expressions for my gratitude but thanks and so on.

I'll try to answer your questions. :)

Tdol said:

• Compared with conventional media, the Internet has clear technical advantages, such as speed, instant feedback and useful means (I'm not happy with this phrase- leters and the phone are also useful- how about a convenient means ...?) of transmitting information.

What he meant was that in addition to the Internet letters and the phone are also useful, so there is probably a better word to use than useful, and he suggested convenient as one possibility.

The phrase fashionable transmitting method strikes me as an odd one. How about popular means of communication?

I will give you explanations for my suggestions as much as I can. Please feel free to ask any questions that occur to you. Any questions I can't answer Tdol can. :wink:

8)