Thesis Statement...

[Alsark]

I am writing a five page research paper on the Third Crusade. Before we get the paper started, we have to write up a thesis statement (last sentence of the introduction paragraph). This said, I would like to think of an appropriate thesis statement that would be interesting for the Third Crusades.

Would something like this be okay?

"The Third Crusade, though a failed attempt by the Christians to take Jerusalem, was fought by two of the greatest men of the era, Richard the Lion-Hearted and Saladin, and involved many thrilling battles."

Or should I make revisions? If so... any suggestions?

[Tdol]

It seems OK, though 'was fought' by suugests that they did all the fighting.

[Alsark]

Okay, thank you. I changed "was fought by" to "involved".

[Tdol]

That works, though you could add something like 'the rivalry'.

[Alsark]

Yeah, that would have made it a bit more interesting to include such a word; however, it is unfortunate that I have already turned in my thesis statement, so I'll have to wait awhile before I can make any changes.