Complaint letter

[abrilsp]

Hi,

How is the letter below?

"26th November 2003

To whom it may concern,

I would like to inform you about an incident happened within one of your stores. On the 20th of November I went to the branch in Oxford Street, I accompanied my daughter to buy a perfume. While browsing, we approached a counter and asked some information about different skin products from a well-known range. My daughter was interested in buying a product but because her skin is very sensitive, she asked for a sample. Our surprise came when the shop assistant replied that there was not any sample and all these creams were very expensive. We looked at each other in disbelieve what we had just heard and leave the store without buying the perfume (aim of our visit). I think it is outrageous the way of your worker answered; first of all she should had apologised for no having any sample and secondly the comment about the price of the product was over the top.
I think as a customer of your store for many years I should inform about my disappointment in that particular occasion.
Your faithfully,

Mrs Smith. "

The date should be on the right hand side of the document but I could not write it this way.

Thanks a lot,
abrils

[Tdol]

I'll have a look this evening when I have some time and look at it in detail.

[RonBee]

I hope Tdol doesn't mind if I take a stab at it. (Not all of my suggestions will be the only possibilities.)

I would like to inform you about an incident happened within one of your stores. On the 20th of November I went to the branch in Oxford Street, I accompanied my daughter to buy a perfume.

• I would like to inform you of an incident that happened at one of your stores. On the 20th of November my daughter and I went to the branch on Oxford street to buy a bottle of perfume.

While browsing, we approached a counter and asked some information about different skin products from a well-known range. My daughter was interested in buying a product but because her skin is very sensitive, she asked for a sample.

• We approached a counter and asked about some skin products by a well-known brand. My daughter was interested in buying a product, but because her skin is very sensitive, she asked for a sample.

Our surprise came when the shop assistant replied that there was not any sample and all these creams were very expensive. We looked at each other in disbelieve what we had just heard and leave the store without buying the perfume (aim of our visit).

• We were surprised when the shop assistant replied that there were not any samples and that all of the creams are very expensive. We looked at each other in disbelief at what we had just heard and left the store without buying anything.

I think it is outrageous the way of your worker answered; first of all she should had apologised for no having any sample and secondly the comment about the price of the product was over the top.

• I think the way your employee behaved was outrageous. First of all, she should have apologised for not having any samples available. Second, the comment about the price of the product was over the top.

I think as a customer of your store for many years I should inform about my disappointment in that particular occasion.
Your faithfully,

• I think that as a customer of your store for many years I should inform you of my disappointment on that particular occasion.
  Yours faithfully,

Very good!

:D

[Edited to add a word.]

[Tdol]

I'm very grateful indeed.