letter

Dear Teacher,
I wonder if the letter below has grammer mistakes. this is the final form my manager has corrected after reading my original letter. But I doubt that he made the appropriate corrections. thank you in advance..
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Dear Sir,
Gural Makine Otomotiv A.Ş. is a strong company run by experienced professionals. It belongs to Gural Group Companies, which were established by the Gural family. Their family business life has been in existence since 1970. The historical progress of Gural Group could be summarized as follows:
Between 1970-1983, the Gural family has been involved in transportation and construction materials production. In 1983, they gained a corporate identity through the establishment of “Gural Trading Company”.
In 1994, Gural Trading was the first company to start the trade of washed sand in Denizli. Following their primary venture, they expanded their machine park and started an excavation business in 1985. Again, they were ‘the first’ to start-up a ready mixed concrete facility in Denizli in 1988.
Being the pioneer company for many business fields and with expanded business success, in 1994, Gural Trading Company was replaced by the Gural Hazır Beton A.Ş. (Gural Ready-Mixed Concrete Joint Stock Company).
Following, they expanded the ready mixed concrete business to the Muğla/Dalaman region in 1996. In 1997, they built up a new company called Gural Yol Yapım Asfalt San.ve Tic.A.Ş. (Gural Road Construction Asphalt Trading Joint Stock Company) which produces asphalt in Denizli. In 1998, asphalt and concrete reinforcing iron sales were initiated.
Gural Group continues its operations and has reached a very successful point.
At the beginning of 2001, they received a Volvo Construction Equipment dealership under Gural Makina Otomotiv A.Ş., a newly established company for construction equipment sales.
In September 2003, as Gural Makine Otomotiv, we also received a Volvo Car dealership for the Denizli region and we run a prestigious car plaza in Denizli today. Again in 2003, we also received the Atlas Copco hydraulic breakers’ regional dealership for the Aegean Region.
In January 2004, having experienced tremendous growth, market share and sales performance since its establishment in 2001, Gural Makine Otomotiv was awarded with the responsibility of 27 more cities within its authorized operational region.
As of today, we have the exclusive operational responsibility for 39 cities around Turkey. We manage 5 branches in Izmir, Ankara, Denizli, Trabzon and Antalya with 101 staff members. We instantly serve our customers which are spread over 39 cities with its full customer oriented and experienced After Sales Team.
In summary, Gural Group is a highly reputable and successful group involved in various business sectors. Our next strategic business plan is to receive an exclusive dealership for a reputable forklift that we can include in our product range for the Turkish market.
We already have very-well established sales channels and control through our experienced sales team in the Turkish market. Therefore, we would kindly like to discuss further the terms and conditions regarding being your forklifts’ exclusive local dealer starting from 2007 (or your suggested date) onwards.
Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions, for detailed information about our company, or with other concerns.
Look forward to hearing from you at your soonest convenience,
With Kind Regards,
Dila Topal
Business Development Specialist

[RonBee]

Just a couple of comments.

Instead of "Their family business life" say "Their family business".

Do not use "Following" as a sentence adverb. Instead, be more specific. (Following what?)

If you bought a business then you should say that. I would not say that I received a business.

Say: "having experienced tremendous growth in market share and sales performance"

Say: "at your earliest convenience"