Letter...

[icyice]

Hi!

Can someone please read this letter and correct the mistakes? Thanks for the help!

Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm an Italian student due to attend my final year in an Italian medium state high school. I would very much like to attend your university as a graduate student in Civil Engineering. My qualifications to date are a Middle school Diploma and a Cambridge ESOL Certificate. Next year I'll be sitting my state board examination, the Italian Maturità, which will certify the end of my high school education.
My last year's final marks are as follows:
.....
The marks are given out of 10.

I'm enclosing a copy of my last year's final mark sheet and of the Cambridge statement of results(Cambridge will issue the certificate only at the end of October).
Please let me know if I'm qualified for a possible admission to your university. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,

[Crazygal]

It looks fine to me, just add a space here results(space)(Cambridge.

Also a space after Dear Sir or Madam.

[Coffa]

Originally Posted by icyice

Hi!
Can someone please read this letter and correct the mistakes? Thanks for the help!
Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm an Italian student due to attend my final year in an Italian medium state high school. I would very much like to attend your university as a graduate student in Civil Engineering. My qualifications to date are a Middle school Diploma and a Cambridge ESOL Certificate. Next year I'll be sitting my state board examination, the Italian Maturità, which will certify the end of my high school education.
My last year's final marks are as follows:
.....
The marks are given out of 10.
I'm enclosing a copy of my last year's final mark sheet and of the Cambridge statement of results(Cambridge will issue the certificate only at the end of October).
Please let me know if I'm qualified for a possible admission to your university. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours faithfully,

There are no real errors. If I were being picky, I would say that the two present continuous tenses, "I'm enclosing..." and "I'm looking forward to hearing...", would be better in the present simple tense: "I enclose..." and "I look forward to hearing...".

Also, it should be "... if I'm qualified for possible admission...". The indefinite article is not required here, and sounds strange.

[icyice]

Thanks!