Forum newsfeeds
Forum Newsfeeds


Sites for Teachers

Sites for Teachers


Go Back   UsingEnglish.com ESL Forum > Learning English > Ask a Teacher

Notices

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 31-Aug-2006, 01:39
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Country: England
Posts: 671
First Language: English
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts
Coffa is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Hello to the forum members.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zahra Naqvi View Post
Music is not just the name of tunes emanating from the instruments. It is syncronization of the soul with the ultimate truth. And when the soul strives to align with the enlightenment, it gets to garner the universal acclaim for too little an effort. This is how we are made to believe that amateur hits his stride and the professionalism seeks survival. Ibrarul Haq comes from the former select. Since music helps words dress themselves in rythm, Ibrar could directly lay his hands on instruments without formal education to have both with one throw: lyrics sprouting from the strings themselves. He didn't know that his trailing to " bilow de ghar" would leave enough marks for the stars-chasing media to tinge their texts with a staggering success story. When asked about his recent album " Nachan Main Oday Naal", Ibrar termed it an average album, although it gainfully captured a considerable audience and a good market for him. Nine years in media with an unwavering zeal has been fully capitalized by Ibrar to buttress his project SAHARA for Life Trust which he wants to hitch to the stars. Born on July 21st in Faisalabad, Ibrar has caused the Leos to elate with joy for sharing a symbolic sign with a real life star. Honest, intelligent, and hardworking people has his vote, but rude and proud are repellent for him. May he be blessed with his cause flourishing ! (Amen)

Can anyone tell me how is it ?
OK. The main problem with the above is that you are trying to use 'flowery' vocabulary and elaborate circumlocutions that are beyond your current level of familiarity with the language. It is much better to write a simple sentence well than a complicated one badly. Resist the temptation to translate literally from your own language. Each language has its own cadence, and so this technique does not work. Rather examine what you are trying to say in your own language, and rephrase it in a way that would be easy for a non-native speaker to understand. Then translate that sentence.

Take your first sentence: "Music is not just the name of tunes emanating from the instruments." It is too wordy. This is a newspaper report. You can say this much more simply and effectively with a short sentence like "Music is more than just a collection of tunes." The grammar is simpler, so it is easier to translate, and it is also easier for the reader.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
forum, members

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Forum Statistics for Members Red5 Support Area 3 09-Apr-2006 15:35
Members and Forum Membership Red5 News and Announcements 0 25-Sep-2004 22:39
Forum Topics on Politics and Religion Red5 News and Announcements 0 07-Apr-2004 21:24
New! --> This Forum Released Red5 News and Announcements 0 14-Nov-2002 13:46


New To Site? Need Help?

All times are GMT. The time now is 20:20.


vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 UsingEnglish.com