(Critique) go easy

[TheFinalRevolution]

I love to write but have zero foundation. What did I do wrong and what could have made it better.

Thanks
David

ABSTINANCE
Well, this is the second time that I’ve had to come here. You know; it’s not that I’m embarrassed. It’s that it is beyond pathetic. How in the world could I let this happen again. I can answer that one. Partying----drinking---- bad company---- ‘nuff said. When I’m drunk, I get loose, and I end up sitting in this chair talking to you about how I should handle being pregnant. This is what sickens me. I am better than this. It’s like two people living on the inside of me fighting for the right to control my soul. I think I need to stop drinking.

[Coffa]

Originally Posted by TheFinalRevolution

I love to write but have zero foundation. What did I do wrong and what could have made it better.

Thanks
David

ABSTINANCE
Well, this is the second time that I’ve had to come here. You know; it’s not that I’m embarrassed. It’s that it is beyond pathetic. How in the world could I let this happen again. I can answer that one. Partying----drinking---- bad company---- ‘nuff said. When I’m drunk, I get loose, and I end up sitting in this chair talking to you about how I should handle being pregnant. This is what sickens me. I am better than this. It’s like two people living on the inside of me fighting for the right to control my soul. I think I need to stop drinking.

In terms of grammar and vocabulary, the text is perfect (apart from the spelling of 'abstinence'). Presumably, you want a creative writing critique, but I believe this is outside of the scope of the forum.

[TheFinalRevolution]

Thank you very much for the info.

[Coffa]

You might try www.writersintouch.com

I've used that one - it's not bad.