Is the sentence correct?

[Hanka]

Hello,

I have to translate a sentence into my native language, but the sentence doesn´t seem OK:

The proposal for rendering protection must contain data about the existence and the degree of the threat which the threatened person would be for the ambience in which he would be included.

It isn´t correct, is it?

I think the correct meaning should be:
The proposal for rendering protection must contain data about the existence and the degree of the threat which the threatened person would have to face in the ambience in which he/she lives.

Thank you very much.

Hanka

[MikeNewYork]

Originally Posted by Hanka

Hello,

I have to translate a sentence into my native language, but the sentence doesn´t seem OK:

The proposal for rendering protection must contain data about the existence and the degree of the threat which the threatened person would be for the ambience in which he would be included.

It isn´t correct, is it?

I think the correct meaning should be:
The proposal for rendering protection must contain data about the existence and the degree of the threat which the threatened person would have to face in the ambience in which he/she lives.

Thank you very much.

Hanka

No, your restatement is better. "Ambience" is not the correct word. I would suggest "area" if you are talking about a physical location.