Parallel Structure

[5laker]

I have the following two sentences:

1. The Dark Romantic writers and thinksers believed that the nature of man was to eventually sin, that nature also held the potential for both good and evil, and that signs and symbols were evident in all things.

2. The Dark Romantic writers and thinksers believed that sin was eventual in man's nature, that the potential for both good and evil was in nature, and that signs and symbols were evident in all things.

The first sentence is the original; the second came from the first one after some efforts to make the sentence more parallel in structure. However, I feel that the first one is good enough, not needing any rewriting at all. In fact, I think that the first one is better than the second one. Could you please help me out by giving your judgement and opinion on them?

Thanks a lot in advance.

Dan

[MikeNewYork]

I have the following two sentences:

1. The Dark Romantic writers and thinksers believed that the nature of man was to eventually sin, that nature also held the potential for both good and evil, and that signs and symbols were evident in all things.

2. The Dark Romantic writers and thinksers believed that sin was eventual in man's nature, that the potential for both good and evil was in nature, and that signs and symbols were evident in all things.

The first sentence is the original; the second came from the first one after some efforts to make the sentence more parallel in structure. However, I feel that the first one is good enough, not needing any rewriting at all. In fact, I think that the first one is better than the second one. Could you please help me out by giving your judgement and opinion on them?

Thanks a lot in advance.

Dan

The original sentence is acceptable. If you want to change it, try something other than "sin was eventual". That makes no sense to me.

[5laker]

Thanks a lot. Appreciate it!

[MikeNewYork]

Thanks a lot. Appreciate it!

Happy to help.

[mykwyner]

How's this?

The Dark Romantic writers and thinkers believed that it is man's nature to eventually sin, yet that same nature also holds the potential for good. They also believed that signs and symbols were evident in all things.

You need two sentences here because you are expressing two discrete ideas.