pls correct my mistake

[esragursu]

My First Nephew

I still remember such as today when my first nephew was born. I was at my job when my telephone rang. It was my mother. Her voice was shaking on the phone and she told me “we are in a hospital now; your sister is having a baby”. I was waiting for this phone call for one week. Although I dreamed about my sister was giving a baby previous day, I was excited and worried about my sister. On the other hand, I felt I was ready for becoming an aunt. I got into my car and drove to the hospital. Before arriving to the hospital, I went home and took my gift for my sister which I bought it before. I was in a hurry to get to the hospital.
Finally I arrived to the hospital. I saw my mother was on the fourth floor in the hospital. She was waiting for my sister in front of the window in her patient room. When my mother recognized me, she began to cry. Fortunately everything went well and my sister came to her room. Her health was good but little bit tired, hence we left her alone. Directly I went to the baby’s room. Among all babies, I could predict which baby was my nephew. It was spectacular moment for me.
Now he is 14 years old, I am proud of him. Thank to my sister.

[Avalon]

Originally Posted by esragursu

My First Nephew

I still remember (as if it were )such as today when my first nephew was born. I was at my job when my telephone rang. It was my mother. Her voice was shaking(shaky?) on the phone and she told me “we are in a hospital now; your sister is having a baby”. I was waiting for this phone call for one(a) week. Although I(had) dreamed about my sister was giving (having)a baby ( the day before) previous day, I was excited and worried about my sister. On the other hand, I felt I was ready (to become)for becoming an aunt. I got into my car and drove to the hospital. Before arriving (at)to the hospital, I went home and (grabbed)took my gift for my sister which I (had)bought it before. I was in a hurry to get to the hospital.
Finally I arrived(at) to the hospital. I saw (that) my mother was on the fourth floor (of)in the hospital. She was waiting for my sister in front of the window (of)in her patient room. When my mother (saw) recognized me, she began to cry. Fortunately everything went well and my sister came to her room. Her health was good but(she was a ) little bit tired, (so/therefore)hence we left her alone. Directly I went(directly) to the baby’s room. Among all babies, I could predict which baby was my nephew. It was (a)spectacular moment for me.
Now he is 14 years old, I am proud of him. Thank to my sister.

Those are the things I would change...maybe you should wait for a second opinion,too..Anyway,I hope it helps